6 Totally WTF True Stories Of Celebrities Meeting Each Other

We all know someone who has an awkward story about meeting a famous person. Maybe your cousin asked an action star for an autograph and got the middle finger instead, or your father-in-law smoked angel dust with the dad from a beloved 1980s sitcom. (We’ve all been there.) Well, it so happens that even celebrities have awkward celebrity stories, and they’re several orders of magnitude more insane than yours. Like when …

6

Michael Jackson Used To Prank Call A Very Confused Russell Crowe

Michael Jackson had a private zoo, an entire amusement park at his beck and call, and a legendary arcade game collection. And yet, when he got bored, he did the same thing you did when you were 11: prank call strangers. Of course, he was still Michael Jackson, so the strangers couldn’t be any regular schmoes. Enter Russell Crowe.

When he stumbled across the fake name Crowe uses to maintain some privacy when he throws electronics at bellhops, Jackson couldn’t help himself. Despite having never met the guy in person, he got into the habit of ringing up whatever hotel Crowe was staying in and showering the actor with fake voices and juvenile jokes like, “Is Mr. Wall there? Is Mrs. Wall there? Are there any Walls there? Then what’s holding the roof up?” Probably nothing, once Crowe was done putting his fist through things.

Other times, Jackson would assume a gruff voice and pretend to be the hotel manager to tell Crowe there was a problem with his room and he had to vacate it immediately. According to Crowe, once he got sufficiently upset, Jackson would break into giggling and reveal himself. As it turns out, all he really wanted was someone to talk to for a bit and … oh, now we’re sad.

5

Freddie Mercury Took Princess Diana To A Gay Bar After Dressing Her In Drag

It wasn’t exactly easy for Diana Spencer, the freaking Princess of Wales, to go out on the town, as evidenced by the controversy that arose when she decided to take her son to an R-rated movie a couple years early. Still, you can’t blame the lady for wanting to blow off a little steam from time to time. So when Freddie Mercury caught wind of Diana’s desire to just go to a bar and have herself a drink in the late ’80s, he jumped all over that shit.

According to comedian Cleo Rocos, Diana was a big fan of her TV co-star Kenny Everett, while Rocos herself was neighbors with the Queen frontman. That’s how all four ended up hanging out together at Everett’s penthouse, watching The Golden Girls with the sound off and improvising no-doubt superior dialog. When Diana inquired about what they were doing later, Mercury and Rocos told her they were going to the legendary London gay hot spot the Royal Vauxhall Tavern, and encouraged her to come along. Of course, Princess Diana does not simply walk into a gay bar. But no matter, Mercury had a plan. They dressed Diana up in an army jacket, leather hat, and mirrored aviators in an attempt to pass her off as a gay — and male — model. Now she looked like an entirely different type of queen.

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They headed for the bar, but people kept stopping them … to say hi to Freddie. No one noticed the most famous woman in the world standing right behind him. Or maybe they didn’t care; Freddie Mercury was right there. Anyway, Diana only ended up staying for a few minutes, but that was enough to inspire a full-length musical which played at the same location.

4

Bill Murray Makes Prank Phone Calls Whenever Roadhouse Is On

As we’ve told you before, Bill Murray is not a human being. He is an instrument of chaos, bringing mischief into people’s lives wherever he might be. Even when he’s sitting around watching TV at home.

Any time Murray happens to come across the nonsensically magnificent 1989 classic action flick Road House, he has to stop and watch. Because Patrick Swayze. And more specifically, Patrick Swayze sex.

MGM
Patrick Sex 2: This Time It’s Personal

That woman with the impossibly ’80s scrunchy face above is actress Kelly Lynch, who had the honor of having The Swayze bite her neck while simultaneously and amorously shoving her into a cold, hard rock wall. And every time this particular scene airs, Murray calls Lynch’s husband (Mitch Glazer, who wrote the movie Scrooged) to inform him that his wife is currently having pretend sex with the Hollywood heartthrob on TV. As if that wasn’t the sort of thing you can just feel.

It doesn’t matter what time it is or if Murray is out adding to his prolific mythos — if Kelly Lynch’s wall sex is on the air, a phone call will be made to her husband. Murray has placed his prank calls in the dead of night, rousing Lynch and her increasingly frustrated husband at 3 o’clock in the morning. One, time ol’ Bill even made the call long-distance all the way from Russia to make damn sure the Lynch family knew about her current state of televised undress. He’s even gotten his brothers in on the joke. And there’s a shitload of them.

So the next time you take in an All-Swayze-All-Weekend marathon while double-fisting Sunny D and pizza rolls and contemplating the futility of existence, know that somewhere Bill Murray is making a very important phone call.

3

Marlon Brando Recited Pulp Fiction To Samuel “Do Not Recite Pulp Fiction To Me” L. Jackson

It’s not uncommon for celebrities to become huge fans of their fellow actors. This often results in ample awkwardness, like the time Bob Dylan demanded that Val Kilmer recite lines from Tombstone. And sometimes things get a little stalker-y.

When Samuel L. Jackson heard someone sneak up behind him and start reciting his Ezekiel 25:17 speech from Pulp Fiction, he was kinda over this shit. The man can’t take a piss without someone turning to him and going “The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of et cetera, et cetera.” This passage alone probably accounts for 99 percent of all uses of the word “inequities” in human history. So Jackson turned around, fully expecting to tell this motherfucker to take a hike … whereupon he saw that the fanboy was none other than Marlon Brando.

The story gets weirder. The two actors had a nice chat, and Brando insisted that Jackson ring him up sometime. Jackson obliged and called the number Brando gave him, only to have his call answered by a Chinese restaurant. Bewildered and confused, Jackson asked if Brando was around, and the Hollywood legend came to the phone. And the next time Jackson called Brando, he was answered by a Chinese laundry service. It turned out that this was Brando’s bizarre caller ID method, because he was as batshit crazy at home as he was on set.

2

Wes Craven Sued Pauly Shore For Destroying His Backyard

John Carpenter. Stephen King. George Romero. Satan. These are the people you’d expect to see rubbing shoulders with the late master of horror Wes Craven. Sadly, in real life, Craven’s house sat next to that of someone far more sinister: Bio-Dome star Pauly Shore. It was not a peaceful coexistence.

Shore is exactly the kind of neighbor you would expect him to be. According to Craven, he spent too much time (and water) prettying up his yard and filling up his private pool / jacuzzi, to the point where the earth became eroded under the unbearable weight of gallons and gallons of water, prompting a goddamn mudslide in the middle of their neighborhood. In a lawsuit, Craven claimed the fallout destroyed the value of his home and caused him “severe emotional distress and anxiety” — which is funny, because you know whose movies also gave people nightmares? Pauly Shore’s.

In a perfectly Shore-esque twist, the “comedian” counter-sued, claiming that Craven had ignored his own grounds-keeping for so long that a second landslide occurred, this time devaluing Shore’s property. The suit out was thrown out and Shore ended up settling with Craven and agreeing to repair the damage — the physical damage, that is. The emotional scars Pauly Shore inflicts can never heal.

1

Bruce Campbell Had To Listen To Macho Man Randy Savage Have Sex

To call the late great Randy Savage a character is putting it lightly. One could waste an entire afternoon getting sucked into one bizarrely philosophical WWE interview after another and still never unravel the enigma that was the Macho Man.


He was truly a sphinx’s riddle.

So how much of Randy’s over-the-top persona was part of his act? Typically, when a wrestler hangs up his belt, his true self comes out. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is an all-around nice guy and a bit of a comedic ham. John Cena has his unending charity work. Hulk Hogan is a racist dick. And so on. And yet Savage seemed to be Savage everywhere he went. Even in bed, as legendary actor Bruce Campbell found out. Wait, uh, let us rephrase that.

Campbell and Savage both had sizable cameos in the 2002 Spider-Man movie, and happened to share a trailer. Campbell maintains that no matter how he would try to avoid it, he could not escape Macho Man’s crazy, wild sex. Any time Savage took a break from filming his one scene, he could be found in his trailer, putting it hard to his girlfriend. According to the clearly traumatized Campbell, the sex was so loud and violent that it sounded like a bunch of wild animals were mating / fighting to the death in the next room.


Coincidentally, any of Macho Man’s dialogue from the movie fits this scenario perfectly.

So let us appreciate yet another way in which Savage was superior to Hulk Hogan: One makes sex tapes, while the other rendered them pointless.

Feel to awkwardly interact with Carolyn on Twitter.

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