7 Famous People Who Can’t Stop Fighting With Fans On Twitter

The internet is an amazing invention that lets you be called an idiot by hundreds of strangers at once. For celebrities, make that hundreds of thousands. Some of them are able to simply shrug it off and go back to sipping champagne whilst bathing in their caviar-filled Jacuzzi. But others … others don’t handle online disagreements so well. Here are some notable examples.

7

Samuel L. Jackson Showers Twitter Fans With F-Words For The Silliest Reasons

Samuel L. Jackson is the yellingest fathermocker in Hollywood, and we all love him for it. If he’s in a movie and he is not angry as hell, then someone has seriously screwed up.

But if you think that it’s just a character he’s good at playing, you’re wrong. We’re happy to report that Real-Life Jackson has absolutely no chill whatsoever. Especially not on Twitter.

Samuel L. JacksonSomeone could make a joke about also teaching people not to capitalize random words, but it won’t be us.

We’ve previously reported that Jackson is hilariously terrible at taking selfies, but it turns out he also cannot disagree with people on Twitter without, well, going Samuel L. Jackson on them. This applies to even the minutest stuff, like the names of sports equipment …

Samuel L. Jackson“Say discus again!”

… the frequency of badminton broadcasts …

Samuel L. JacksonNote that it took exactly two minutes for millionaire superstar Samuel L. Jackson to respond to this.

… or the price of mammary implants.

Samuel L. JacksonThat’s not how sex works, Mr. Jackson.

We’re not cutting out any tweets on purpose, by the way. There is no slow escalation here; Jackson goes from zero to Pulp Fiction at an astonishing speed in all of these exchanges. However, it seems that his management had a word with him about cursing at fans on Twitter, because he’s shelved the F-bombs lately … except for cases that truly merit them.

Samuel L. JacksonFeel free to pretend those words are bold for emphasis, and not because they were our search terms.

Finally, a piece of advice: If Samuel L. Jackson ever declines to take a picture with you, stop right there. Cut your losses. Leave it be. Trust us.

Samuel L. JacksonIn other words, don’t be this guy.

6

Gene Simmons Won’t Tolerate Foul Language Or Tomfoolery On His Feed

In case you forgot or are from the moon, Gene Simmons is the face-painted, long-tongued lead singer of KISS. He is well-known for rocking and rolling all night, in addition to partying every day. That is, if by “partying” you mean “policing the language of his Twitter followers like a strict headmaster.”

Gene SimmonsGene clearly missed his true calling of being a message board moderator circa 2005.

If you come at Simmons with foul language, or are simply too “silly” for his taste, you are on the precipice of BANISHMENT. And he’s equally harsh to everyone who brings his handle into the conversation. Sometimes it makes sense, like when someone talks smack about KISS merchandise and he has to bring them into line:

Gene SimmonsNobody disrespects KISS-branded garden gnomes in Gene Simmons’ presence.

Other examples make us wonder whether Simmons knows there are subjects other than Gene Simmons discussed on Twitter. When some idiots started arguing in a thread with him tagged in (it’s Twitter, it happens to everyone), one idiot called the other a communist, and Gene thought it was directed at him, and responded the way you would expect:

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Gene SimmonsIt helps if you read his tweets in a Tommy Wiseau accent.

And like that, a fan’s dreams were doubtlessly shattered. Never again will he be able to see the tweeted wisdom of this rock icon.

Gene SimmonsThese voice-to-text programs can easily backfire.

5

Garbage Really Hates Low-Energy Crowds, Self-Moderation

Garbage is that one band that did that one song in the ’90s (it’s either “Stupid Girl” or “Only Happy When It Rains,” depending on your radio station). They broke up in 2005, then un-broke up in 2011, as all bands eventually do, and are still making music today. And they’re still touring, even if the crowds aren’t super enthusiastic about it.

That’s not a joke, by the way. In 2012, Garbage played to a less-than-raucous crowd in Koln, Germany, causing lead singer Shirley Manson to go on Twitter and give everyone a crash course in Amazingly Bad PR:

GarbageThey thought they were paying to see actual garbage.

Manson forgot the first lesson of Touring 101: Not only is every crowd amazing, but they are all the best crowd you’ve had so far. Fans of Garbage and fans of chastising celebrities alike took to Twitter to let Manson know they were unhappy with her tweet. She took this opportunity to make amends and completely squandered it, tripling down on her rage with some really extraordinary responses:

GarbageIf you read just her responses, you can pretend it’s the lyrics to a new song.

Not only did Manson never apologize, but she also demanded an apology from the first person who called her out. We don’t believe she ever got it. The band has continued to release music and pick fights with fans since then, and not a single lesson was learned by anyone. So, Twitter in a nutshell.

4

Kevin Durant Is The Michael Jordan Of Twitter Fights

Kevin Durant is now one of the highest-earning basketball players on the planet, which means that he no longer has to take any crap from anybody. So he doesn’t.

Kevin DurantIf you’re trying to prove you’re not a douche, “Would you like to come to my podcast?” is never the right thing to say.

Celebrities always take grief from fans on Twitter, and at some point, Durant decided that he was way beyond taking it with a smile on his face. Whenever the opportunity arises, he reaches out to all his haters to politely let them know that they can suck the big one.

Kevin DurantThe trolls he’s responding to here deleted their tweets, and are now presumably living in a monastery.

Some fans have tried to tell him not to do it, to be the bigger man, and it went as well as you would expect.

Kevin DurantThey’re right, NBA stars are above this. Twitter is for trolls, wannabe comedians, and presidents.

All of his counter-trolling seems to have sharpened his wit. When one Twitter user came to Durant with a joke about him leaving Oklahoma City, Durant responded appropriately:

Kevin DurantA piece of Patrick Stewart? What does that even mean?

It looks like the new, hater-proof Durant is here to stay. Which really isn’t a bad thing, considering that his earlier tweets had been … well, we’ll let you be the judge.

Kevin DurantChampionships weren’t the only thing he was thirsty for, apparently.

3

Raffi Is A Serious Stickler About Fictional Whales Being Alive Or Dead

Don’t worry, everyone. We’re not about to tell you that Raffi, the beloved writer of children’s music, is the kind of celebrity who goes on Twitter and curses up a storm because of a random hater upset that Willoughby Wallaby Wim, an elephant sat on him. As far as we can tell, Mr. Raffi Cavoukian is a very chill and pleasant guy. That doesn’t mean, however, that he never gets his feathers Raffled.

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Back in 1980, Raffi wrote a song called “Baby Beluga,” inspired by Kavna, a beluga whale at the Vancouver Aquarium. In August 2012, Kavna died due to a cancer-related illness, causing a number of outlets to report that the baby beluga from the song had died. Raffi, however, was very displeased by this distortion of the truth, and went to the internet to set the record straight:

Raffi“All those kids the elephant sat on ARE dead, though.”

See, it was very important to the songwriter that it be clear that his Baby Beluga was not dead. The beluga who inspired the song had died, but the Baby Beluga from the song will live forever through the power of music. But as more and more people started using this phrasing, you could see his patience slowly start to wear down.

RaffiRaffi is just worried that nothing rhymes with “zombie whale.”

Misreported whale deaths aren’t the only thing upsetting Raffi, though. Inappropriate band names are just as bad in his book. Last year, he wrote a tweet about how he was displeased with the name of indie rock band The New Pornographers:

RaffiWhat’s wrong with food plans? Everyone should have a food plan.

This upset New Pornographers vocalist A.C. Newman, who had idolized Raffi’s music since he was a child, and confused everyone else on the planet, who wondered if Raffi had ever heard of Pussy Riot.

A.C. Newman“It’s such a shame that our society stigmatizes sexuality to this absurd degree,” the child continued.

Raffi later apologized to the band, which we personally are thankful for. We love your music, Raffi, but only one of you wrote “Electric Version.”

2

John Byrne Goes On His Own Message Boards To Be Super Terrible

John Byrne isn’t a name that’s too well-known to the general public, but in the world of comics, he’s kind of a big deal. He’s the writer/artist who was responsible for the most popular incarnation of Superman in the late 1980s, and also co-created some of the greatest X-Men stories ever. Most impressively, he was able to work for both Marvel and DC without diehard fans on either side wanting to kill him.

These days, Byrne limits his interactions to his own message boards, which you’d expect to be filled with typical threads like “Who makes the best burritos, Superman or Goku?” Instead, there’s this:

Byre RoboticsThis was written in 2015, not 1955.

That’s a post that Byrne himself made in a discussion about Caitlyn Jenner and transgender people in general. Byrne, having decided that the world needs his thoughtful expertise on the subject, suggests that all trans people are simply mentally ill, and should receive the same treatment from society as pedophiles. Somehow, his entire web server managed to not collapse in on itself due to critical asshole mass, which we assume is due to Byrne’s knowledge of comic book super science.

Over the years, Byrne has used his message boards to casually drop terrible opinions on a wide range of subjects, from nuking the Middle East to how Steve Irwin had it coming. “But Cracked, what about his stance on birthday presents?” you’re naturally asking. Well, in 2016, a longtime fan and acquaintance (who had been invited to Byrne’s house and all) signed him up for something called the Mysterious Package Company, which sends people weird, alternate-reality-esque old letters, photos, clippings, and other items. Upon realizing that this was all an innocent bit of fun to celebrate the occasion of his birthday, Byrne flew into a complete rage.

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Byrne RoboticsThis is what happens when you don’t hug your kids, people.

And even after the fan tried to apologize, Byrne said that he may never be able to forgive him for this. We assume he’ll be working this rage out in his upcoming comic book miniseries in which Lex Luthor destroys the concept of birthdays forever.

1

Nickelback Is Surprisingly Skilled At Dealing With Haters

We don’t need to tell you that Nickelback gets a lot of hate. They are the go-to band for whatever joke you want to tell about untalented musicians. Babies are coming out of the womb with that knowledge imprinted into their brains, spelling out “NIKELBAK SUKS” with their alphabet blocks. Whether or not they deserve it is debatable. The question is, how does such a universally derided band deal with all of that hate?

The answer: poorly … but also kind of really well?

NickelbackIt’s impossible to have sex with anything with Nickelback playing in the background, but nice try.

Seeing as they’ve made enough money to build their own parallel universe in which everyone loves them, Nickelback has decided that they have no reason to suffer haters anymore. So every once in a while, they’ll sit back on their bean bags made of money, browse Twitter, and respond to all of their beloved anti-fans. And the surprising part is that they’ve gotten pretty good at it.

NickelbackImagine making yourself deaf to never hear Nickelback again, only to have them tweet at you.

Other replies indicate that they’ve become aware of their status as the bane of some music lovers’ existence, and have learned to enjoy it:

NickelbackBut seriously, if they do retire from music, they could probably get jobs running Phish’s Twitter.

After years of countless insults, Nickelback’s clapback game has been finely honed. Even when Arnold Schwarzenegger uses them to try to make a point, they’re ready with a solid response:

NickelbackWe’re not sure why Schwarzenegger’s opponents didn’t pull out Batman & Robin during election debates.

As Arnold immediately conceded, that one was … “ice cold.” The jury’s still out on their music, but we’ll say this: If they made an album of all their Twitter retorts, we’d probably buy it.

Kevin Durant looked better in an OKC jersey, conveniently still available as a plush.

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For more celebrity social media faux pas, check out 6 Celebrities Who Are Surprisingly Angry On Twitter and 8 Famous People You Didn’t Know Were Total Creeps On Twitter.

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