First dates can suckor be totally awesome. Usually, they’re somewhere in between, lost in a sea of ambiguity. The guessing game of trying to figure out if you share a mutual attraction can be confusing at best, and downright emotionally distressing at worst.
Lucky for you, like most things in life, you can get better at it. Being able to discern what the other person is thinking on a first date is an art form. Picking up on social cues allows you to adjust your behavior accordingly so you can avoid embarrassment, get what you want, just have fun or form a deeper connection.
Here are seven ways guys hint they don’t want a second date with you:
1. They’re not afraid to be unattractive
Most of us try to present our best selves on the first date. If the guy is talking about his foot fetish, wearing socks with sandals or telling you about the time he was recently arrested for possession of cocaine while driving under the influence, he isn’t trying very hard. This might be a sign that he doesn’t give a f*ck.
2. They’re not focusing on you
Dating is about revealing your identity to the other person and eliciting the person to reveal his or her identity to you. If you find common ground in this process, it might be considered a good date.
If you’re spending the entire date talking about what Khaleesi did this week on “Game of Thrones,” you haven’t covered very much emotional ground. Is he asking about your motivations, desires, background and feelings? If not, he’s probably just killing time.
3. They lack self-disclosure.
Personal disclosure is the hallmark of intimacy. Without it, it’s downright impossible to form a deep emotional connection. Has he revealed anything potentially risky or vulnerable to you? Is he making it safe for you to do the same? If he’s not showing his humanity, he’s most likely emotionally unavailable or not interested at this point.
4. There’s no playful banter.
Role playing, teasing and joking about each other are the things first date flirting is made of. Dating has that magical ability to form long-lasting inside jokes between two people that never seem to get old, even though they don’t mean much to anyone else.
If the dude isn’t engaging in playful banter, you haven’t reached that level yet.
5. They give you a weak hug goodbye.
A half-hearted hug goodbye isn’t a good sign. Ideally, he’s picking you up and spinning you around because he doesn’t want the date to end. Limp arms and avoiding bodily contact like he might contract a deadly virus if your bodies were to actually touch is a surefire sign he’s either scared of you or not interested.
6. They don’t make future plans.
If a guy is interested, he’ll usually try to make plans with you before saying goodbye on the first date. The expectation will be set that you’re hanging out again. Without this, it’s not likely you’re going to see each other again.
You can be sure that will happen if you get this kiss of death as you say goodbye: Good luck with …”
7. They don’t text you afterward.
A follow-up text is standard for both sides if you had an enjoyable date. Something as simple as, It was nice to meet you, and I had a great time shows you haven’t been completely exiled yet.
With all this being said, it’s also possible the guy is just socially inept. When in doubt, ask him out. That’s the surest way to tell.If he has any communication skills, he’ll be clear with his intentions at this point.
If it becomes a pattern to not go on second dates, chances are, it’s not the date.It’s probably you. Work on your dating skills, and you won’t have to worry about whether or not he wants another date. You’ll just be wondering if you do.