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Actor Jokes

  • Have you heard about that new film about the tractor? I just saw the trailer.


  • I’m not having much luck with jobs lately: I couldn’t concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn’t suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn’t cut it as barber; didn’t have the patience to be a doctor; didn’t fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just … Read more…

  • I’ve got a new job in a biscuit factory. So far I’ve made a packet.

  • My twin sons Craig and Stuart are going to America to audition on the X factor when it starts over there. “Hi, i’m Craig Towers, and i’m Stuart Towers… and together we’re Twin Towers” I’ve got a feeling they’ll go down well.

  • I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

  • Big explosion in a paint factory tonight, 10 people missing, presumed red.

  • I went on a trip to a postcard factory last week. It was OK. Nothing to write home about

  • I can’t believe the fired me at the clock factory after all the extra hours I put in.

  • Explosion at a pie factory. 3.14159265 dead.

  • I’ve been out of work for a while but have just got a job at a factory making periscopes. Things are looking up.

  • I got sacked from my job at the Clock Factory. I just stood around making faces all day.

  • Hey! I got a new job working in quality control at a knickers factory! I’ll be pulling down about 800 a week.

  • Well, just got a job at the guillotine factory. I’ll beheading there now.

  • After an argument with my boss, I decided to leave my job at the helium factory. I don’t like to be spoken to in that tone of voice.

  • I taught my maths class how to use a protractor, with varying degrees of success.

  • Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? … There was nothing left but de Brie.

  • Channel 4 are making a documentary about a black man producing cocaine in his bedroom, they’re calling it, “CHOCOLATE & HIS CHARLIE FACTORY.”

  • Christian Bale won Best Supporting Actor for playing a mentally unstable drug addict.And then Charlie Sheen was like, “You can get an award for that?

  • My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned … couldn’t concentrate.

  • Spending half of the movie wondering where the fuck did I see this actor before…

  • My best mate is entering the X-Factor this year and I wanted to give him all the help and support I can. So I killed his mum.

  • Actor Orlando Bloom threw a punch at Justin Bieber last night during an argument at a night club in Spain. Orlando’s hand was pretty sore today, you know, from all the high-fives he got.

  • I’d like to go back in time, to when I said “When I grow up, I wanna go to college, be an engineer or an Astronaut or a successful lawyer” and change it to: “When I grow up, I wanna barely graduate high school, start drinking and womanizing, get a factory job, get married, have two kids, get divorced and become addicted to something called Facebook.” Just imagine the sense of accomplishment I would have right now.

  • Ok children, what sounds did we hear on our field trip to the farm yesterday?…”Moo!” “Bahhh!” “Quack Quack”…”Get the Fuk off that tractor!!!”

  • What type of music do chiropractors listen to? Hip-pop.

  • It’s hard working at the apple pie factory. The biggest problem is the high turnover rate.

  • I used to work at a blanket factory…but then it folded.

  • I had a hard time working at the orange juice factory. I just couldn’t concentrate.

  • Working in a mirror factory is totally something I can see myself doing.

  • I quit my job at the helium factory – I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.

  • I can’t believe I was fired from my job at the clock factory after all the extra hours I put in.

  • Where are average things built? In the satisfactory.

  • Did you hear about the magic tractor? It turned into a field.

  • Breaking news! A hurricane has just hit the the main cheese factory in France. All that’s left is de-Brie.

  • Does anybody know which actor played Forrest Gump?THanks

  • The actor who played Captain Kirk in Star Trek has announced that his female lingerie business has been a total failure…In hindsight, maybe Shatner Knickers wasn’t the best name for the venture!

  • Some girls don’t like to walk in the rain because it puts their face back to factory settings!

  • I used to work in a Russian napkin factory…I was in the serviette union!

  • I’ve received a job offer to be a quality controller at the Alphabetti Spaghetti Factory…I’ll have to check the Ts and Cs!

  • There was a scandal at the Heinz factory where I worked, which was supposed to be kept in house…My boss just fired me for spilling the beans!

  • BREAKING: Strong winds have blown the roof off our local cheese factory…There’s de brie everywhere!

  • I had a job in a salt and pepper factory…It was just seasonal work!

  • Storm Arwen has blown the roof off our local cheese factory…There’s de brie everywhere!

  • Some sad news to announce. The inventor of the protractor has passed away…He’s with the angles now!

  • My new job at the pasta factory is going well, apart from a fusilli mistakes!

  • I’ve been tracing my family tree. I found out my grandfather used to be a foreman in a napkin factory in Russia…He was The leader of the Serviette Union!

  • Storm Eunice has blown the roof off our local cheese factory…There’s de brie everywhere! #StormEunice

  • I got fired from my job at the eyeglass factory…I fell into the lens grinder and made a spectacle of myself!

  • I was in Tesco and saw a bloke off Crimewatch who is wanted for several rapes. I tackled him to the ground and punched him unconscious. But when the police arrived they arrested me instead of him…Apparently they use actors on the show!

  • Warner Bros have announced they’re releasing a film about a tractor…The trailer will follow!

  • My mate just got fired from his job at the human cannon ball factory!

  • Due to a factory error, there’s a faulty batch of sun cream in the shops…That’s going to cause a lot of red faces!

  • There was an explosion in a Japanese car factory…It was raining Datsun cogs!

  • I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory…All I did was take a day off!

  • Been offered a job at a mattress factory…Told them I’d sleep on it!

  • What do you call a factory that makes okay products?A satisfactory!

  • I was sacked from the ice cream factory…Just because I refused to work on a Sundae!

  • I’ve just got a job in a telescope factory…Things are finally starting to look up!

  • I met my wife at the glue factory… We bonded immediately!

  • I played in a works football match against a lemonade factory…We were 7 up by half time!

  • Initially I didn’t believe that my chiropractor was any good.But now I stand corrected.

  • They’re building a mirror factory in my town.I could see myself working there.

  • How do you get a country girls attention?A Tractor.

  • I just got a job in a factory making plastic Draculas.There are only two of us on the production line, so I have to make every second count.

  • I just got hired at the guillotine factory.I’ll beheading there soon.

  • Does anyone want my old copies of Chiropractor Monthly?I’ve got loads of back issues.

  • I’ve just applied for a job in a salad packing factory.The hours are terrible, but apparently the celery is good.

  • Did you hear about the actor who fell through the trapdoor?It was just a stage he was going through.

  • How can anyone think the Academy Awards are real?I watched it and it’s obvious that everyone there is a paid actor!

  • What’s the difference between an actor and a burnt rodent?One is Chris Pratt and the other is a crisp rat.

  • How do you get a country girls attentionA tractor.

  • I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.They told me I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.

  • I got fired from the keyboard factory today…It seems I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.

  • Which actor drives the least?Christopher Walken.

  • My chiropractor and I got into this terrible fight in the middle of my neck treatment.Now I have to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder.

  • What do you call a factory that makes okay products?A satisfactory.

  • What do you call a farmer that doesn’t like tractors anymore?An extractor fan.

  • What’s the difference between an actor and a burnt rodent?One’s Chris Pratt, the other is a crisp rat.

  • I’ve just applied for a job in a salad packing factory.The hours are terrible, but the celery is good.

  • I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory.AlI did was take a day off.

  • I got fired from a keyboard factory because I didn’t put in enough shifts.So they wouldn’t let me return or enter. They even changed the caps locks.

  • My masseuse rubs me the wrong way.But my chiropractor cracks me up.

  • What do you call a factory that makes okay products?A satisfactory.

  • How do you get a farm girl’s attention?A tractor.

  • Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?He was just going through a stage.

  • Leaving my job at the chemical factory.It’s a toxic workplace.

  • I quit my job at the Helium factory today.I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.

  • I met my wife at the glue factory where we both worked.We bonded immediately.

  • I quit my job at the helium gas factory.I didn’t like being spoken to in that tone.

  • I just quit my job at the helium factory.I won’t be spoken to in that tone.

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