Angel Jokes

  • First Guy (proudly): My wife’s an angel!’ Second Guy: You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.

  • After suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, “F___ it, let me soldier on!”

  • I don’t get it, no one complains when Madonna and Angelina Jolie steal black kids from Africa.

  • Angelina Jolie needs to take some time off her busy schedule of feeding the hungry and poor in third world countries and feed herself for a change.

  • Can you honor Maya Angelou by not pretending that you knew much about her?

  • The U.S. is scheduled to play Germany soon at the World Cup. President Obama and German Chancellor Angela Merkel already have a bet going. The loser keeps Hasselhoff.

  • Justin Bieber will be charged in Los Angeles about an egg-throwing incident in January which damaged a neighbour’s home. The judge said it was the most pointless use of an egg since the fertilization of Justin Bieber.

  • A pine tree planted in 2004 in memory of former Beatle George Harrison in a Los Angeles park has died after being infested by beetles.

  • I read in the news today that a man in Los Angeles was killed when he got caught up in a turf war. I wonder if he was mowed down?

  • Be careful who you trust, the devil was once an angel.

  • What has 2 wings and a halo? Did you say angel? WRONG! Its a chinese phone. *Wing Wing* “Halo?”

  • Boys, if you don’t look like Calvin Klein models, don’t expect us to look like Victoria’s Secret Angels.

  • Crap….all this time I thought I was listening to the Angel on my shoulder. Turns out the Devil on the other shoulder is just a hell of a ventriloquist.

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