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Bathroom Jokes

  • Whenever I’m naked in the bathroom, the shower gets turned on.


  • A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist. “Come now,” coaxed the doctor, “you’ve been seeing me for years. There’s nothing you can’t tell me.” “This one’s kind of strange,” the woman said. “Let me be the judge of that,” the doctor replied. “Well,” she said, “yesterday I went to the bathroom in … Read more…

  • What musical instrument can be found in nearly every Bathroom? … … A tuba toothpaste.

  • Dear Doctor Phil, I was wacking off, looking out our bathroom window at the neighbor lady sunbathing topless. And seen my wife watching me with her arms crossed and giving me a dirty look…My question is, Is she perverted?

  • Don’t like tipping bathroom attendants for merely handing me a towel. Maybe if he performed a service like wiping my ass I’d consider it.

  • Ran into the apple store and used their bathroom …. iPeed

  • My wife was in the bathroom for hours getting dressed to go out when finally she swung open the door and asked “tell me honestly, do I look fat in this?”. I replied “yes love, but to be fair, its a small bathroom

  • To all the girls who take pictures in the bathroom in public places, I’m taking a dump in the stall behind you….Don’t forget to tag me

  • Back in my day bathrooms were used for taking a sh*t, not as a photo-booth!

  • Besides being curled up on the bathroom floor convinced I was dying from liver failure for a few hours, last night was fun.

  • Instead of John I call my bathroom Jim, that way it sounds better when I say I went to the Jim first thing this morning.

  • I think it’s funny when someone updates their status with a depressing quote or about something bad that happened, and then people “like” it. The “like” button has become used more than a gas station bathroom.

  • According to this bathroom stall, my ex changed her number again.

  • When I come back in the next life, I would like to come back as a bathroom mirror in a house full of hot women.

  • Out of all the gruesome noises coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most troubling.

  • The most important thing I look for from a potential employer is a bathroom with a good network connection.

  • Thank god for smart phones I was getting tired or reading the back of shampoo bottles while in the bathroom

  • Before Facebook and online dating, I seriously don’t think I’ve ever seen a picture of a person in their bathroom.

  • Facebook, where a bathroom shot of a duckface is considered hot’

  • The most significant change brought about in the 2ist century is the decline of photographers and photography studios. They’ve both been replaced…. By camera phones and bathrooms.

  • Parent: Where are you going at this time of the night all dressed up like a slut? Daughter: To the bathroom, I need a new Facebook picture.

  • Bathroom mirrors are either the luckiest or the unluckiest objects in the house.

  • I feel like I’m not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don’t cut and dye my hair and change my identity.

  • The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyone’s face at Starbucks.

  • Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people.

  • Ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use leaves. Just kidding, but my son learned a big lesson about leaving his clothes in the bathroom.

  • I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait…

  • Oscar Pistorius said he wanted a new bathroom door….. But his girlfriend was dead against it

  • Million dollar idea: A bathroom mirror that takes pictures.

  • What’s the right age to stop running naked from the bedroom to the bathroom?

  • There is no number for what just happened in that bathroom.

  • Why is that every time I visit someone, I have to take a dump, and their bathroom is right there near where everyone is sitting and I’m about to expel what will sound like a 21 gun salute at Niagara Falls.

  • What’s so cool about taking a picture of a bathroom mirror?

  • The wife’s only listening to you outside the bathroom door to make sure you’re not touching the decorative hand towels

  • Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

  • Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? Because the P is silent

  • I accidentally swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles. My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

  • Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? Because the P is silent

  • I put my weighing scales in the bathroom corner and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologises!

  • I said to my daughter, “Where are you going all dressed up?”She said, “The bathroom. I need a new facebook profile picture!”

  • Arrived home to find a pretty woman grouting the bathroom wall and singing ‘It’s a heartache’.I thought to myself, she’s a bonnie tiler!

  • Dear Deidre. Please help me. My sexy 20 year old neighbour was sunbathing the other day. I took the chance to peek out of our bathroom window and have a cheeky wank. As I finished I turned around and my wife was standing there arms folded watching me.Is my wife a pervert?

  • I was on the train earlier when I accidentally walked in on a girl using the bathroom. I quickly apologised and closed the door.“Can you get the fuck out?” she said.

  • My wife wants something shiny for her birthday that goes from 0 to 150 in less than 4 seconds…I’ve got her a some bathroom scales!

  • My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.She said, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.”So I bought her some bathroom scales!

  • Burglars broke into the downstairs bathroom earlier today but fortunately they only stole a broken set of scales…They won’t get a weigh with it!

  • Today, my wife thought she saw a cockroach in the kitchen. She sprayed everything down and cleaned thoroughly…Tomorrow, I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom!

  • I’m not saying I’m attractive, but when I take my clothes off in the bathroom, I turn the shower on!

  • How long is one minute?It depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on!

  • My wife came out of the bathroom after her shower, stark naked, and walked into the bedroom. She said, “Shut the curtains babe. I don’t want the neighbours to see me naked.”“Don’t worry,” I said. “If they see you naked, they’ll shut their own fucking curtains!”

  • How long is one minute?It depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on!

  • How long is one minute?It depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.

  • Who hides in the bathroom at parties?The party-pooper.

  • Some would say that putting decorative soaps that look like food in their bathrooms is cute.But it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

  • When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in my stomach, she laughed, Ha! That’s not going to help!I replied, Sure, it does. It’s the only way I can see the numbers.

  • I accidentally swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles…My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

  • Asked my wife why she bought fake crap for the bathroom.My wife: do you mean the sham poo?

  • How long is one minute?It depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.

  • I accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles…My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster!

  • When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in my stomach, she laughed, Ha! That’s not going to help!Sure it does, I said. It’s the only way I can see the numbers.

  • I’m not saying I’m attractive, but when I take my clothes off in the bathroom.I turn the shower on.

  • I’m not saying I’m attractive.But when I take my clothes off in the bathroom…I turn the shower on.

  • I’m not saying I’m attractive.But when I take my clothes off in the bathroom…I turn the shower on.

  • I’m sorry but this is the President’s Bathroom.It’s For Biden to use.

  • How long is one minute?It depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.

  • My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation.It was the hardest dump I ever took.

  • How long is one minute?It depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.

  • Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?It happened 250 million years ago.

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