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Battery Jokes

  • Breaking news!
    Energizer Bunny arrested – charged with battery.


  • A police officer caught two kids playing with a firework and a car battery. He charged one and let the other one off.

  • My missus said she wanted peace and quiet while she cooked dinner…So I took the battery out of the smoke alarm!

  • My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner…So I took the battery out of the smoke alarm!

  • I said to my son, “I need a battery so I can tell the time.”He asked, “Is it for a clock?”I answered, “I don’t know. That’s why I need the battery!”

  • Four engineers get into a car. The car won’t start.The Mechanical engineer says, “It’s a broken starter.”The Electrical engineer says, “Dead battery.”The Chemical engineer says, “Impurities in the diesel!”The IT engineer says, “Let’s get out of the car and get back in!”

  • An elderly couple is in church. The wife says to the husband, “I’ve let out one of those silent farts, what do I do?”The husband says, “Change the battery in your hearing aid.”

  • Just found two large bumps on my car battery.Had to get them tested and one came back positive, hope it’s not terminal.

  • My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.So I took the battery out of the smoke detector.

  • I was arrested for drinking battery acid.But I wasn’t charged.

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