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Bike Jokes

  • Why can’t a bike stand on it’s own? Because it is two tired.


  • Guy stole my bike so I got in a cab & said follow that guy! He said sure, whats his twitter name? We laughed & hi-fived & I need a new bike

  • I was on the exercise bike for almost 30 minutes just now. It was pretty easy. Tomorrow I may even try using the pedals.

  • #LanceArmstrong should keep his awards. Last time I tried to ride a bike when I was #stoned I ended up in a ditch.

  • When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn’t work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.

  • Here’s my gym schedule. Monday, cardio. Tuesday, weights. Wednesday, 7 mile bike ride. Thursday, 15 year break. Repeat.

  • Can you spare just $2? Ranji is a 9 yr old boy living in Namibia. He has 1 leg, 1 arm, and 1 eye. Each day he rides 7 miles to school with a bike w/ bent wheels and no brakes. If you just send $2, we will send you the video it’s freaking hilarious.

  • I’d be more motivated to work out if the stationary bikes had a little basket to hold my snacks and beer.

  • Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine. And you know what else? Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine.

  • Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind someone on a stationary bike and pretend you’re angrily chasing them.

  • The new “Godzilla” movie opened worldwide yesterday. They say New York City could survive a Godzilla attack. Seriously? It takes five cops to handle Alec Baldwin when he’s riding his bike the wrong way

  • There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military, horseback riding, kayaks, and bikes……how is it there are no weight limit on high heels?

  • Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind a guy on a stationary bike and pretend you’re angrily chasing him.

  • My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I eventually had to take his bike off him.

  • My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I eventually had to take his bike off him.

  • I’ve just read that if you take your bike to work it’s so much better for the environment…So fuck it, tomorrow that’s what I’m going to do. Afterall I don’t use the roof-rack for anything else!

  • Some bloke started talking to me in the pub last night. “My mate came off his motorbike today,” he said. “Oh really?” I asked. “Yes,” he replied. “He has slight brain damage, 2 broken arms and is completely blind in one eye.” “Blimey,” I said. “No wonder he came off it then!”

  • I’ve just read that taking your bike to work everyday is good for the environment, so I thought, ‘Oh well, why not?’It’s not like I’m using the roof rack for anything else anyway!

  • My neighbour’s little lad got a bike for Christmas and he seems to have a tiny Edam cheese strapped to its handlebars…Think it must be his baby bell!

  • The police just knocked at my house to tell me my dog was chasing a kid on a bike…I just closed the door because my dog doesn’t even have a bike!

  • Anyone who says marriage is an equal partnership is talking utter bollocks.I gave up my mates, motorbike, drinking, gambling…All she gave up was sex!

  • I’ve just read that taking your bike to work everyday is good for the environment, so I thought oh well, why not?It’s not like I’m using the roof rack for anything else anyway!

  • I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

  • Every morning when I leave the house for work, I get hit by the same bike. Every morning!What a vicious cycle.

  • When I was just a little kid, I used to pray for a bicycle. Then as I grew older I learned in Sunday school, that’s not how prayer works.So I stole a bike…and prayed for forgiveness.

  • I accidentally played ‘dad’ instead of ‘dead’ when the bear attacked…Now it can ride a bike without stabilizers.

  • The police just knocked at my house to tell me my dog was chasing a kid on a bike.I just closed the door because my dog doesn’t even have a bike.

  • Every single morning I get hit by the same bike…It’s a vicious cycle…

  • Every morning after I get out of the house, a bike comes out of nowhere and runs me over.It’s a vicious cycle.

  • After my bike accident today I lied to the X-ray technician that I was fine..But they saw right through me.

  • l accidentally played ‘dad’ instead of ‘dead’ when the bear attacked.Now it can ride a bike without stabilizers.

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