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Blind Jokes

  • My Neighbors little son asked me where you find giant snails? I tried to blind him with science. “Well, they’re originally from Kenya, and their Latin name is the Achatina Fulica …” Turns out the answer was On giant’s fingers’.


  • Did you hear about the blind man who took a hammer and saw?

  • 100 prostitutes are currently in a double blind study of leading toothpastes when used inside the sugar walls of their vaginas. … … Older prostitutes are particularly interested in finding out which toothpaste is the most effective at reducing cavities.

  • I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said “You’re pulling my leg”

  • I saw these two blind guys about to fight and I shouted, “My money’s on the one with the knife.” You should have seen how fast they both ran off.

  • “Hey, How was your Blind date?” “Terrible! He showed up in a 1932 Rolls Royce!”……”What’s so terrible about that?”…..”He was the original owner!!!”

  • Love may be blind, but It doesn’t have to be stupid.

  • it’s about that time of the day when I stop hitting the snooze button, wipe away the drool, open the blinds, and head on home from work.

  • I saw these two blind guys about to fight and I shouted, “My money’s on the one with the knife.” You should have seen how fast they both ran off.

  • What’s the worst trick you can do to your blind brother? Leave the plunger in the pot.

  • If you don’t believe that Love is Blind. Look at Howard Wolowitz and Bernadette Rostenkowski.

  • I bought a cheese grater for my blind uncle. He said it was the most violent thing he ever read.

  • My friend asked “What do blind people think about when they masturbate?” I’d be willing to bet that it is something along the lines of “Who the f*ck is watching me”

  • I just saw two blind and deaf lesbians walking down the street with their hands down one anothers knickers…..I think they were lip reading?

  • I saw the strangest thing ever today. I threw a sausage off the pier and some blind man jumped in after it, then when he reappeared out of the water, he had transformed into a Labrador.

  • I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::

  • Last year, I got socks for Christmas. The year before, I got a couple of sacks. And before that, a sax. For pity’s sake, Santa, you blind old jerk, it’s sex. S-E-X.

  • Did you hear about the blind skunk? It fell in love with a fart.

  • Bought a cheese grater for a blind friend… He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.

  • Yo mama’s so ugly, she made a blind kid cry.

  • Why did the blind man fall into the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.

  • Found out I was colour blind the other day… That one came right out the purple.

  • Have you tried blindfolded archery? You don’t know what you’re missing.

  • Why did the blind man fall into the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.

  • Found out I was colour blind the other day… That one came right out the purple.

  • I’ve been sleeping with a blind woman…The sex is great but it isn’t easy getting her husband’s voice right!

  • I’m so unlucky in love…I once dated a blind girl who said she was seeing someone else!

  • Did you hear about the blind circumcisionist?He got the sack!

  • The wife was in the kitchen cooking me bacon and eggs when I suddenly heard a loud thud. Running in I found her collapsed on the floor not breathing. I was in a blind frenzy, I had no idea what to do…Then I remembered, Wetherspoons do an alll day breakfast for just £3.99!

  • Some bloke started talking to me in the pub last night. “My mate came off his motorbike today,” he said. “Oh really?” I asked. “Yes,” he replied. “He has slight brain damage, 2 broken arms and is completely blind in one eye.” “Blimey,” I said. “No wonder he came off it then!”

  • My mate set me up on a blind date.He said, “She’s a lovely girl, but there’s something you should know. She’s expecting a baby.”I felt like a right fucking idiot waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a nappy!

  • So glad I was taught the recorder at school…I’ve lost count of the number of times in adult life when difficult situations were resolved with a quick blast of 3 blind fucking mice!

  • I walked into a cafe this morning with my jack russell. The owner of the cafe said, “Excuse me sir, no dogs allowed in here.”Quick as a flash I said, “I’m blind.”He said, “I thought blind people had labradors or alsations?”I bent down and said, “What have they given me?”

  • I entered my sons room and said, “Remember boy, masturbating can make you go blind.”“I’m over here dad,” he replied.

  • You’ve gotta hand it to blind prostitutes!

  • What happened to the blind circumciser?He got the sack!

  • My mate set me up on a blind date.He said, “She’s a lovely girl, but there’s something you should know. She’s expecting a baby.”I felt like a right fucking twat waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a nappy!

  • I let my blind friend borrow money the other day. He told me he was gonna pay me back the next time he saw me…I think I’ve been conned!

  • I went to bed with a blind girl last night, and she said I had the biggest dick she’d ever laid her hands on…I said, “You’re pulling my leg!”

  • I entered a blindfolded masturbation competition…Fuck knows where I came!

  • I used a performance enhancer in the bedroom with my wife last night…I wore a blindfold!

  • Two men were walking down the road when they saw a blind dog shagging a cabbage.One of the men said, “Poor dog. Must have thought it was a collie!”

  • You really should try archery while blindfolded.You don’t know what you’re missing.

  • Have you ever tried archery while wearing a blindfold?You don’t know what you’re missing!

  • I just found out I’m colorblind.The news came out of the purple!

  • How do you spot a blind man at nudist colony?It’s not hard.

  • Yesterday, the doctor told me I was colorblind.The diagnosis came out of the purple.

  • Why can’t blind people eat fish?It’s sea food.

  • I entered my sons room and said: Remember, boy, masturbating can make you go blind.I’m over here dad. He replied.

  • I once went on a blind date with a veganI never met herbivore.

  • What happened to the blind circumciser?He got the sack.

  • Today my doctor told me I was color blind.That really came out of the purple.

  • You should really try blindfolded archery.You don’t know what you’re missing.

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