Blind Jokes

Did you hear about the blind man who took a hammer and saw?

100 prostitutes are currently in a double blind study of leading toothpastes when used inside the sugar walls of their vaginas. … … Older prostitutes are particularly interested in finding out which toothpaste is the most effective at reducing cavities.

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said “You’re pulling my leg”

I saw these two blind guys about to fight and I shouted, “My money’s on the one with the knife.” You should have seen how fast they both ran off.

“Hey, How was your Blind date?” “Terrible! He showed up in a 1932 Rolls Royce!”……”What’s so terrible about that?”…..”He was the original owner!!!”

Love may be blind, but It doesn’t have to be stupid.

it’s about that time of the day when I stop hitting the snooze button, wipe away the drool, open the blinds, and head on home from work.

I saw these two blind guys about to fight and I shouted, “My money’s on the one with the knife.” You should have seen how fast they both ran off.

What’s the worst trick you can do to your blind brother? Leave the plunger in the pot.

If you don’t believe that Love is Blind. Look at Howard Wolowitz and Bernadette Rostenkowski.

I bought a cheese grater for my blind uncle. He said it was the most violent thing he ever read.

My friend asked “What do blind people think about when they masturbate?” I’d be willing to bet that it is something along the lines of “Who the f*ck is watching me”

I just saw two blind and deaf lesbians walking down the street with their hands down one anothers knickers…..I think they were lip reading?

I saw the strangest thing ever today. I threw a sausage off the pier and some blind man jumped in after it, then when he reappeared out of the water, he had transformed into a Labrador.

I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::

Last year, I got socks for Christmas. The year before, I got a couple of sacks. And before that, a sax. For pity’s sake, Santa, you blind old jerk, it’s sex. S-E-X.

Did you hear about the blind skunk? It fell in love with a fart.

Bought a cheese grater for a blind friend… He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.

Yo mama’s so ugly, she made a blind kid cry.

Why did the blind man fall into the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.

Found out I was colour blind the other day… That one came right out the purple.

Have you tried blindfolded archery? You don’t know what you’re missing.

Why did the blind man fall into the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.

Found out I was colour blind the other day… That one came right out the purple.

I’ve been sleeping with a blind woman…The sex is great but it isn’t easy getting her husband’s voice right!

I’m so unlucky in love…I once dated a blind girl who said she was seeing someone else!

Did you hear about the blind circumcisionist?He got the sack!

The wife was in the kitchen cooking me bacon and eggs when I suddenly heard a loud thud. Running in I found her collapsed on the floor not breathing. I was in a blind frenzy, I had no idea what to do…Then I remembered, Wetherspoons do an alll day breakfast for just £3.99!

Some bloke started talking to me in the pub last night. “My mate came off his motorbike today,” he said. “Oh really?” I asked. “Yes,” he replied. “He has slight brain damage, 2 broken arms and is completely blind in one eye.” “Blimey,” I said. “No wonder he came off it then!”

My mate set me up on a blind date.He said, “She’s a lovely girl, but there’s something you should know. She’s expecting a baby.”I felt like a right fucking idiot waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a nappy!

So glad I was taught the recorder at school…I’ve lost count of the number of times in adult life when difficult situations were resolved with a quick blast of 3 blind fucking mice!

I walked into a cafe this morning with my jack russell. The owner of the cafe said, “Excuse me sir, no dogs allowed in here.”Quick as a flash I said, “I’m blind.”He said, “I thought blind people had labradors or alsations?”I bent down and said, “What have they given me?”

I entered my sons room and said, “Remember boy, masturbating can make you go blind.”“I’m over here dad,” he replied.

You’ve gotta hand it to blind prostitutes!

What happened to the blind circumciser?He got the sack!

My mate set me up on a blind date.He said, “She’s a lovely girl, but there’s something you should know. She’s expecting a baby.”I felt like a right fucking twat waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a nappy!

I let my blind friend borrow money the other day. He told me he was gonna pay me back the next time he saw me…I think I’ve been conned!

I went to bed with a blind girl last night, and she said I had the biggest dick she’d ever laid her hands on…I said, “You’re pulling my leg!”

I entered a blindfolded masturbation competition…Fuck knows where I came!

I used a performance enhancer in the bedroom with my wife last night…I wore a blindfold!

Two men were walking down the road when they saw a blind dog shagging a cabbage.One of the men said, “Poor dog. Must have thought it was a collie!”

You really should try archery while blindfolded.You don’t know what you’re missing.

Have you ever tried archery while wearing a blindfold?You don’t know what you’re missing!

I just found out I’m colorblind.The news came out of the purple!

How do you spot a blind man at nudist colony?It’s not hard.

Yesterday, the doctor told me I was colorblind.The diagnosis came out of the purple.

Why can’t blind people eat fish?It’s sea food.

I entered my sons room and said: Remember, boy, masturbating can make you go blind.I’m over here dad. He replied.

I once went on a blind date with a veganI never met herbivore.

What happened to the blind circumciser?He got the sack.

Today my doctor told me I was color blind.That really came out of the purple.

You should really try blindfolded archery.You don’t know what you’re missing.