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Boat Jokes

  • As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter. I took my finger back out and within seconds she was going down on me. “I really need a new fucking boat,” I thought to myself.


  • What do you do with a sick boat? Take it to the dock.

  • What do you call the first migrant off the boat? Amhere What do you call the second migrant off the boat? Amhere Azwel What do you call the third migrant off the boat? Amhere Azwell Azhim

  • When I lived on a houseboat I was seeing the girl next door, but eventually we drifted apart.

  • Hillary and Trump are in a boat and it sinks. Who survives? I’d say Hillary. According to Bill, she never goes down.

  • If you are going to use a boat to escape make sure its in water not in water town!

  • You know how after you get off a boat, your body still feels like it’s on the boat for a while after? I’m like that with beds.

  • Friend: “What’s a good movie?” Me: “Snakes on a plane” Friend: “Whats it about?” Me: “Horses… horses on a boat”

  • The movie “Noah” comes out this weekend. It follows the story of a family trying to survive God’s wrath on a giant boat for months. Or as that’s more commonly known, a Carnival Cruise.

  • You know how after you get off a boat, your body still feels like its on the boat for a while after? I’m like that with beds.

  • First Olympic sailing result just in. GB have taken gold, Australia have taken silver and Somalia have taken the boat

  • Saw a boat with a sign that read “For Sale” so I added the missing “-ing”…………………… Idiots.

  • Why aren’t jet skis called boatercyles?

  • There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.

  • Three guys are on a boat with four cigarettes but nothing to light them with. So they throw one cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

  • Why aren’t jet skis called boatercyles?

  • A boat builder is showing his son one of his forests. He turns to him and says, “Son, one day this will all be oars”

  • I’ve been invited to the RNLI’s Halloween party… I’m quite looking forward to it. They really know how to push the boat out!

  • BREAKING NEWS: A boat carrying red paint has crashed into a boat carrying blue paint…The crew have been marooned!

  • BREAKING: A boat carrying red paint has crashed into a boat carrying blue paint…The crew have been marooned!

  • I had a row with my boss at lunchtime yesterday…One of the perks of working at a boating lake!

  • I’ve just finished reading an excellent book called ‘Fights on a Narrowboat’ by R.G. Bargee.#WorldBookDay

  • My wife has just swum the channel. I was in the rear of the boat shouting encouragement through a megaphone…She still hasn’t forgiven me for not buying two ferry tickets!

  • What do you get when you mix a penis, potato & a boat?A dick-tator-ship.

  • I’ve started a boat building business in my attic……sails are going through the roof.

  • I used to live on a houseboat, and started seeing the girl next door.Eventually we drifted apart.

  • I was living on a house boat and fell in love with the Girl Next Door.But sadly, we drifted apart.

  • I took all of my savings, converted it to cash and put it in a boat.I feel much better now that my money is offshore.

  • What do you call a boat full of buddies?A friend-ship.

  • l asked my Dad why he decided to buy a boat.He said: There was a sail.

  • What do you get when you mix a penis, potato & a boat?A dick-tator-ship.

  • Before my surgery, the anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle…It was an ether/oar situation.

  • how do you wear a boat as a hat?You turn it over so it’s capsized.

  • Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

  • If the Internet had a boat, where would they park it?In Google Docs.

  • If the Internet had a boat, where would they park it?Google docs.

  • asked my Dad why he decided to buy a boat.He said: There was a sail.

  • What vegetable should you never bring on a boat?A leek.

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