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Brain Jokes

  • Psychologists say that the left half of the brain is responsible for both kleptomania and numeracy. It’s the taking part that counts.


  • Whenever I weigh myself, I always subtract 10 pounds. I don’t think boobs, brains, and an ass this fabulous should count against me.

  • If you drink enough, your brain starts photo-shopping people.

  • After reading this sentence you will realize that the the brain doesn’t recognize a second the’

  • Don’t be afraid to be open-minded. Your brain isn’t going to fall out.

  • Your ignorance might be bliss for you but it’s giving those of us with a brain a headache.

  • I used to think the brain was the most interesting part of the body. Then I realized what was telling me that.

  • That awkward moment when you’re not sure if something is your actual memory or if your brain made it up.

  • I’m convinced. Some peoples’ brains are still on dial-up.

  • Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.

  • A zombie boyfriend will love you for your brain and not your body.

  • Me: Why am I still single? Brain: You’re weird as shit. Body:You’re fat. Face:You’re pretty ugly. Food: Don’t worry babe, I’m here for you.

  • Well, today I realized that boobytrap backwards is partyboob, I think I’ve learned all that is possible for my brain to hold….

  • Pushed too hard against my eardrum with a Q-tip and reset my brain.

  • I decided to get a brain transplant and then I changed my mind.

  • Some bloke started talking to me in the pub last night. “My mate came off his motorbike today,” he said. “Oh really?” I asked. “Yes,” he replied. “He has slight brain damage, 2 broken arms and is completely blind in one eye.” “Blimey,” I said. “No wonder he came off it then!”

  • A husband and wife are on their 10th anniversary. The wife undresses and says: “What did you think when I stripped 10 years ago?”He says: “I wanted to fuck your brains out and suck your tits dry!”She says: “What are you thinking now?”“Looks like I did a pretty good job!”

  • I recently suffered a brain haemorrhage. When I woke up in hospital afterwards, the only parts of my body that still worked were my right arm and my cock…I managed to discharge myself the same day!

  • A husband and wife are on their 10th anniversary. The wife undresses and says: “What did you think when I stripped 10 years ago?”He says, “I wanted to fuck your brains out and suck your tits dry!”She says, “What are you thinking now?”“Looks like I did a pretty good job!”

  • I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.

  • See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

  • The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

  • Keeping tropical fish at home can cause a calming effect of the brain.It’s all the indoor fins.

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