Brain Jokes

Whenever I weigh myself, I always subtract 10 pounds. I don’t think boobs, brains, and an ass this fabulous should count against me.

If you drink enough, your brain starts photo-shopping people.

After reading this sentence you will realize that the the brain doesn’t recognize a second the’

Don’t be afraid to be open-minded. Your brain isn’t going to fall out.

Your ignorance might be bliss for you but it’s giving those of us with a brain a headache.

I used to think the brain was the most interesting part of the body. Then I realized what was telling me that.

That awkward moment when you’re not sure if something is your actual memory or if your brain made it up.

I’m convinced. Some peoples’ brains are still on dial-up.

Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.

A zombie boyfriend will love you for your brain and not your body.

Me: Why am I still single? Brain: You’re weird as shit. Body:You’re fat. Face:You’re pretty ugly. Food: Don’t worry babe, I’m here for you.

Well, today I realized that boobytrap backwards is partyboob, I think I’ve learned all that is possible for my brain to hold….

Pushed too hard against my eardrum with a Q-tip and reset my brain.

I decided to get a brain transplant and then I changed my mind.

Some bloke started talking to me in the pub last night. “My mate came off his motorbike today,” he said. “Oh really?” I asked. “Yes,” he replied. “He has slight brain damage, 2 broken arms and is completely blind in one eye.” “Blimey,” I said. “No wonder he came off it then!”

A husband and wife are on their 10th anniversary. The wife undresses and says: “What did you think when I stripped 10 years ago?”He says: “I wanted to fuck your brains out and suck your tits dry!”She says: “What are you thinking now?”“Looks like I did a pretty good job!”

I recently suffered a brain haemorrhage. When I woke up in hospital afterwards, the only parts of my body that still worked were my right arm and my cock…I managed to discharge myself the same day!

A husband and wife are on their 10th anniversary. The wife undresses and says: “What did you think when I stripped 10 years ago?”He says, “I wanted to fuck your brains out and suck your tits dry!”She says, “What are you thinking now?”“Looks like I did a pretty good job!”

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

Keeping tropical fish at home can cause a calming effect of the brain.It’s all the indoor fins.