Topics

Brother Jokes

  • My brother won a TV quiz show by bribing the guy who sets the questions. He’s a criminal mastermind.


  • When I was twelve, I jammed a tile from a Scrabble set into a Nerf gun and shot my brother in the forehead, killing him instantly. It was an accident though, I thought it was a “blank”.

  • Not many people knew that Albert Einstein had a brother who was an evil scientist. His name was Frank Einstein

  • I see the same homeless man scribbling furiously in a notebook every day on my way to work. This morning I stopped to ask him his story. “I am Stephen King’s older brother,” he said. “He stole the ideas for all of his novels from me.” I replied, “Surely you must be Joe.”

  • My brother’s got a degree in wheel-making. Only 359 more to go.

  • Me and my twin brother are always finishing each others sentences. The prison wardens are none the wiser.

  • A little girl and her older brother were visiting their grandfather at his farm. The older brother decided to play a trick on his younger sister… He told her that he discovered a man-eating chicken! … … … The girl was frightened, and ran inside in fear. Then the older brother heard his little sister … Read more…

  • I invited a friend over after school. I told my mom he’s my brother from another mother. My parents are now in the divorce process.

  • Even death can’t get you out of the friend zone… she’ll be at your funeral like “he was like a brother to me”

  • I just told my brother he was adopted, his response was, “At least they picked me”

  • You know you’ve been friendzoned if a girl adds you as her brother on Facebook.

  • What’s the worst trick you can do to your blind brother? Leave the plunger in the pot.

  • I think the only girl I know that hasn’t said “you’re like a brother to me” is my sister.

  • Me: My father’s name is LAUGHING and my Mother’s name is SMILING. Teacher: You must be Kidding? Me: No, that’s my brother. I’m JOKING.

  • Police have finally admitted they got it wrong in the shooting of Jean Charles de Menez. It was his naughty brother Dennis they were after.

  • Luis Suarez is to appear in the next Star Wars film. He’ll play Chewbacca’s brother, Chewshoulder.

  • My brother just updated his status to “I love my girlfriend <3". I always knew he liked them young, but that is f*cking ridiculous.

  • My little brother just told me I looked stoned as hell. Which is a little weird, considering I don’t have a little brother…

  • My buddy told me he was having sex with twins… I asked how do you tell them apart? He said, “Her brother has a mustache”

  • We all know Albert Einstein was a genius but his brother Frank was a monster.

  • My wife has run off with my brother to Vienna…It means nothing to me!

  • I haven’t seen my brother since we left Australia…We were separated at Perth!

  • I was at my mates stag night last year, when he and his brother handed me a glass full of yellow, lukewarm liquid. “Drink it,” they said giggling. It was only when I smelt it that I realised the prank the bastards were trying to pull… Carlsberg!

  • Bruce Lee was fast…But his brother Sudden Lee was faster!

  • A priest once said to me, “Do you know what happens when you die?”“Well yes”, I replied. “The kids will argue over my shit, the wife will probably shag my brother again, and everybody who thinks I am a proper cunt will go round telling my family what a great bloke I was!”

  • My brother Raymond got a job at a Disney Store, selling Aladdin toys.He wasn’t sure which hours he’d be working, so I called them up…I said, “Will our Ray be in nights, or will our Ray be in days?”

  • I haven’t seen my twin brother since I left Australia…We were separated at Perth!

  • I just had a call to say my brother was crushed to death at work when the coffee machine fell on him…At least it was instant!

  • My brother plays football for a team called The Musketeers.They started the season well, with three wins and a draw…All 4-1 and one 4-all!

  • A mate told me he’s shagging his girlfriend and her twin.I asked, “How can you tell them apart?”He said, “Her brother’s got a moustache and a cock!”

  • My brother owns a DeLorean…He drives it from time to time!

  • As a small boy, I shared a bed with my 5 big brothers, and an old raincoat instead of a blanket…It was tough growing up in the hood!

  • My brother is a policeman and I saw him wearing an airline pilot’s uniform.He winked at me and said, “Shhh, I’m in plane clothes!”

  • Bruce Lee was fast, but he had an even faster brother…Sudden Lee!

  • What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet?I asked my 10 brothers and sisters, but they don’t know either!

  • I jammed a scrabble tile into my Nerf gun and shot my brother at close range in the forehead, knocking him out cold…I didn’t mean to though, I thought it was a blank!

  • My daughter walked into our bedroom last night to catch us having sex.“What are you doing?” she asked in shock.“Making you someone to play with,” I said.“A brother?” she asked excitingly.“No, a cousin,” I replied. “Now go and watch out for your mother coming home!”

  • My brother who is a vegan has given up using shampoo since he realised it had ham in it!

  • When my brother found out he might be terminally ill he kept himself occupied with the housework….I’m delighted to announce that he’s just got the hall clear!

  • I called my boss this morning and said, “I won’t be coming in today, my brother died last night.”“How many brothers do you have?” he asked.“6,” I replied.“Gotcha!” he said. “You’ve used this excuse 7 times now. How is this possible?”I said, “I used to have 13 brothers!”

  • I haven’t seen my brother since we left Australia…We were separated at Perth!

  • It’s a little known fact that the singer Alfie Boe has a brother, who is a confectioner, called Harry!

  • Albert Einstein was a genius and worthy of praise and study.His brother Frank was an absolute monster.

  • For my birthday my brother bought me an elephant for my room.I said “Thanks.” He said “Don’t mention it.”

  • My father was a conjoined twin.His brother was my uncle on my fathers side once removed.

  • I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet.I asked my 15 brothers and sisters and they didn’t know either.

  • Did you know Bruce Lee has a faster older brother?Sudden Lee.

  • I’ve just discovered that Bruce Lee had a vegetarian brother…Broco Lee.

  • You know Bruce Lee was fast, but he had an even faster brother…Sudden Lee.

  • Albert Einstein was a genius.But his brother Frank was a monster.

  • My brother is dating a girl called Rosemary…I don’t know what he season her.

  • Did you know Albert Einstein had a younger brother named Frank?He was a Monster.

  • Bruce Lee was fast.His brother Sudden Lee was faster.

  • I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet?I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they don’t know either.

  • My brother owns a DeLorean.He drives it from time to time.

  • My twin brother called me from prison.He said: You know how we finish each other’s sentences?

  • Bruce Lee was fast, but he had an even faster brother…… Sudden Lee.

  • What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet?I asked my 10 brothers and sisters, but they don’t know either.

  • Just read an interesting fact – Bruce Lee had a vegan brother;Broco Lee.

  • Everybody knows that Albert Einstein was a genius…But his brother Frank was a real monster!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *