Topics

Bull Jokes

  • Two cows standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly: “I was artificially inseminated this morning.” “I don’t believe you,” replies Dolly. “It’s true, no bull!”


  • Q: How does a bull stay warm on a bitterly cold day? … … A: He goes into the barn and slips into a nice warm Jersey.

  • Last Christmas I bought my mother-in-law a Jack Daniels t-shirt having previously told me she enjoyed encounters with spirits. She looked angry and said “I’m a medium” Bullshit!! XXL fit her perfect!

  • My boss turned round this morning and called me a “bullshitter.” I’m not too worried about it though he didn’t really.

  • How does a bull stay warm on a bitterly cold day in January? He goes into the barn and slips into a warm Jersey.

  • After getting picked on by a few lads at college, my mum offered to go down and sort it out. Now they can’t bully me for never having a blowjob any more.

  • All that Felix proved Sunday was that Red bull does not give you wings… You must use a parachute

  • I hate when her husband comes home early. She says I’m the pool boy. And I spend the next few hours cleaning the pool. This is BULLSH!T!

  • My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic…I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.

  • I’m sorry, what language are you speaking? It sounds like bullsh*t.

  • Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who’s sick of her bull shit.

  • Who the hell invented Bull Riding? “Hey, I’m gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal…Time me!!!”

  • The first time a woman swallowed my stuff, I was so appreciative that I swallowed her bullshi t for the next two years.

  • New day, same old bullshit.

  • Do you know how many people were gored in Spain during the running of the bulls? Same as last year: Not enough

  • Facebook weather: We are expecting 2 to 3 feet of drama this evening with bullsh1t blowing in from all directions!

  • I’m starting to feel bullied by all the anti-bullying commercials.

  • My girlfriend just said that I put sports before our relationship. Bullshit. It’s our sixth season together.

  • I left work in slow motion but it didn’t blow up behind me. This is bullshit.

  • Saying “guns don’t kill people, bullets do” is like saying “I haven’t raped anyone, but my dick has.”

  • The less people you chill with….The less bullshit you deal with.

  • There’s a Bullying Support Group meeting, tomorrow night at 8 … You’d better f*cking be there.

  • Today was the annual Running of the Bulls in Spain. So if you’re sick of all the fake injuries at the World Cup, get ready for some real ones.

  • “You have sexy calves.” -Pedophile bull

  • The less people you chill with, the less bullshit you deal with.

  • I didn’t give a f*ck until I drank Red Bull. Now I don’t give a flying f*ck.

  • Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.

  • To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.

  • I didn’t sleep well last night so I made my coffee with redbull instead of water. I got half way to work before I realized I forgot my car.

  • I went to my 35th high school reunion and realized that “the one that got away” turned into a “dodged a bullet.”

  • Well it’s almost time for that ” New Year New Me ” bullshit again!

  • Back in the day I was attracted to this chick but never had enough guts to ask her out but after witnessing first hand the drama she creates on Facebook I am glad I dodged that bullet.

  • Shockingly Pitbull’s first name isn’t Feat.

  • Hey Vegas, your slogan is bullsh!t” Prince Harry

  • I do not have bad attitude… I have a low tolerance for bullsh1t.

  • Best Way to deal with High School Bullies: Grow up to be smarter, richer and better looking than them and then add them on Facebook.

  • Birth control pills should really be made for men. It makes more sense to unload a gun than to shoot a bulletproof vest.

  • Someone stole all the red bull from the store. I don’t know how they sleep at night.

  • BREAKING: The government is raising its bullshit level from level 3 to level 4!

  • Spilt my energy drink all over my cleaning cloth…I’m furious. It’s like a Red Bull to a rag!

  • Why would a pig dressed in black never get bullied?Because Batman has sworn to protect goth ham!

  • Two cows, Daisy and Dolly, were standing in a field.Daisy: “I was artificially inseminated this morning.”Dolly: “I don’t believe you.”Daisy: “Straight up! No bull!”

  • The #LoveIsland drinking game:1. Turn this fucking bullshit off 2. Go down the pub

  • I often wonder how things worked out for that guy who grabbed the bull by the horns?

  • What does a bull say to his son before leaving.Bison.

  • Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy see a tree that’s draped in bacon. “A bacon tree! We’re saved!” He says. He runs up to the tree and is shot up with bullets.It wasn’t a bacon tree. It was a ham bush.

  • I woke up late one morning so I made my coffee using Red Bull instead of waterI got halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car.

  • A farmer notices all the cows had fallen over, he asked the bull why he was still standing?He replied, we bulls wobble but we don’t fall down.

  • Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that is draped in bacon. “A bacon tree, we’re saved!” he says. He runs up to the tree and is shot up with bullets.It wasn’t a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.

  • Thieves have stolen 20 crates of Red Bull from my local shop…I don’t know how these people sleep at night.

  • Instead of water, I put redbull in the the back of my coffee maker this morning.I was halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car.

  • What do you call a bulletproof Irishman?Rick O’Shea.

  • Thieves have stolen 20 crates of Red Bull from my local supermarket.I don’t know how these people sleep at night.

  • What happens if the average number of bullies at a school goes up?The mean increases.

  • Why would a pig dressed in black never get bullied?Because Batman has sworn to protect goth ham.

  • Accidentally made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water.I made it half way to work before I realized I forgot my car.

  • This morning I decided to use Red Bull instead of water to make my coffee.I was halfway to work when I realized I forgot my car.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *