Bull Jokes

Q: How does a bull stay warm on a bitterly cold day? … … A: He goes into the barn and slips into a nice warm Jersey.

Last Christmas I bought my mother-in-law a Jack Daniels t-shirt having previously told me she enjoyed encounters with spirits. She looked angry and said “I’m a medium” Bullshit!! XXL fit her perfect!

My boss turned round this morning and called me a “bullshitter.” I’m not too worried about it though he didn’t really.

How does a bull stay warm on a bitterly cold day in January? He goes into the barn and slips into a warm Jersey.

After getting picked on by a few lads at college, my mum offered to go down and sort it out. Now they can’t bully me for never having a blowjob any more.

All that Felix proved Sunday was that Red bull does not give you wings… You must use a parachute

I hate when her husband comes home early. She says I’m the pool boy. And I spend the next few hours cleaning the pool. This is BULLSH!T!

My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic…I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.

I’m sorry, what language are you speaking? It sounds like bullsh*t.

Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who’s sick of her bull shit.

Who the hell invented Bull Riding? “Hey, I’m gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal…Time me!!!”

The first time a woman swallowed my stuff, I was so appreciative that I swallowed her bullshi t for the next two years.

New day, same old bullshit.

Do you know how many people were gored in Spain during the running of the bulls? Same as last year: Not enough

Facebook weather: We are expecting 2 to 3 feet of drama this evening with bullsh1t blowing in from all directions!

I’m starting to feel bullied by all the anti-bullying commercials.

My girlfriend just said that I put sports before our relationship. Bullshit. It’s our sixth season together.

I left work in slow motion but it didn’t blow up behind me. This is bullshit.

Saying “guns don’t kill people, bullets do” is like saying “I haven’t raped anyone, but my dick has.”

The less people you chill with….The less bullshit you deal with.

There’s a Bullying Support Group meeting, tomorrow night at 8 … You’d better f*cking be there.

Today was the annual Running of the Bulls in Spain. So if you’re sick of all the fake injuries at the World Cup, get ready for some real ones.

“You have sexy calves.” -Pedophile bull

The less people you chill with, the less bullshit you deal with.

I didn’t give a f*ck until I drank Red Bull. Now I don’t give a flying f*ck.

Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.

To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.

I didn’t sleep well last night so I made my coffee with redbull instead of water. I got half way to work before I realized I forgot my car.

I went to my 35th high school reunion and realized that “the one that got away” turned into a “dodged a bullet.”

Well it’s almost time for that ” New Year New Me ” bullshit again!

Back in the day I was attracted to this chick but never had enough guts to ask her out but after witnessing first hand the drama she creates on Facebook I am glad I dodged that bullet.

Shockingly Pitbull’s first name isn’t Feat.

Hey Vegas, your slogan is bullsh!t” Prince Harry

I do not have bad attitude… I have a low tolerance for bullsh1t.

Best Way to deal with High School Bullies: Grow up to be smarter, richer and better looking than them and then add them on Facebook.

Birth control pills should really be made for men. It makes more sense to unload a gun than to shoot a bulletproof vest.

Someone stole all the red bull from the store. I don’t know how they sleep at night.

BREAKING: The government is raising its bullshit level from level 3 to level 4!

Spilt my energy drink all over my cleaning cloth…I’m furious. It’s like a Red Bull to a rag!

Why would a pig dressed in black never get bullied?Because Batman has sworn to protect goth ham!

Two cows, Daisy and Dolly, were standing in a field.Daisy: “I was artificially inseminated this morning.”Dolly: “I don’t believe you.”Daisy: “Straight up! No bull!”

The #LoveIsland drinking game:1. Turn this fucking bullshit off 2. Go down the pub

I often wonder how things worked out for that guy who grabbed the bull by the horns?

What does a bull say to his son before leaving.Bison.

Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy see a tree that’s draped in bacon. “A bacon tree! We’re saved!” He says. He runs up to the tree and is shot up with bullets.It wasn’t a bacon tree. It was a ham bush.

I woke up late one morning so I made my coffee using Red Bull instead of waterI got halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car.

A farmer notices all the cows had fallen over, he asked the bull why he was still standing?He replied, we bulls wobble but we don’t fall down.

Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that is draped in bacon. “A bacon tree, we’re saved!” he says. He runs up to the tree and is shot up with bullets.It wasn’t a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.

Thieves have stolen 20 crates of Red Bull from my local shop…I don’t know how these people sleep at night.

Instead of water, I put redbull in the the back of my coffee maker this morning.I was halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car.

What do you call a bulletproof Irishman?Rick O’Shea.

Thieves have stolen 20 crates of Red Bull from my local supermarket.I don’t know how these people sleep at night.

What happens if the average number of bullies at a school goes up?The mean increases.

Why would a pig dressed in black never get bullied?Because Batman has sworn to protect goth ham.

Accidentally made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water.I made it half way to work before I realized I forgot my car.

This morning I decided to use Red Bull instead of water to make my coffee.I was halfway to work when I realized I forgot my car.