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Business Jokes

  • If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.


  • My fine art and fragrances business has failed. The perfumes sold well, but I didn’t really know how to market the paintings I’d bought. I’ve got more Monet than scents

  • I’m thinking of starting a new business. Because of the high tax rate here in the USA I have decided to explore abroad. Unfortunately, it’s mid-week at my local watering-hole and female patronage is rather low so I will have to wait to do my exploring on Friday and Saturday night.

  • I’ve started a business building yachts in my attic. Sails are going through the roof.

  • I’m starting a mirror cleaning business. Its a job I can really see myself doing!!

  • My business running a dating agency for chickens just folded. Its hard making hens meet.

  • I’m leaving my job at the ship yard to be a contestant on The Apprentice. I don’t know a lot about the world of business, but I’m good at making sails.

  • A new company entered the very competitive business of pumping septic tanks. To promote their new business, they held a caption contest. The winning caption would be posted on all their trucks and the winner would receive five free pump-outs, one every other year for ten years, worth about $3,000.00. The winning caption? “We are … Read more…

  • I opened a company selling landmines that look like prayer mats … Business is booming and Prophets are going through the roof.

  • So, the courtroom bailiff makes the morning announcement: “All rise! Hear ye, Hear ye, The Court of the Second Judicial Circuit, Criminal Division, is now in session, the honorable Judge Calhoun Brown presiding. All who have business before this Court approach the bench and be heard.” The lawyer and his client stand before the imposing … Read more…

  • Excuse me, here’s your nose. I found it in my business.

  • Some dude just yelled at me for texting and driving…I told him to get off my hood and mind his own business.

  • So Chris Brown and Rihanna are now Engaged and they have a song together called “Ain’t nobody’s business.” Well, I just wrote my own song called, “Ain’t Nobody Cares!”

  • FB lesson number #1. If you don’t want people meddling in your business, stop posting it on your status.

  • I just called up the phone company and put em on hold. Every 5min I come on an tell them how important their business is to me. Please hold.

  • Relationships last longer when everybody doesnt know your business

  • A guy just yelled at me for texting and driving. I told him to get off my hood and mind his own business.

  • Someone once said, “Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” So, I’m pleased to announce the grand opening of my titty squeezing business!!

  • Facebook taught me to mind everyone else’s business.

  • A Russian businessman has been ordered to pay his wife $4.5 billion in what is being called the world’s most expensive divorce. Then L.A. Clippers owner Donald Sterling said, “Stay tuned.”

  • Today Apple announced a new feature that will let your iPhone monitor your diet and track your calorie intake. Or you can pay extra for an iPhone that minds its own business. Can you imagine Siri talking to you like, “Hey, Chunky.”

  • I have come up with a truly fantastic business idea for Malaysia Airlines. A new slogan! “Leaving on a jet plane, don’t know if I’ll be back again.”

  • Sometimes I feel bad because when I don’t have anything funny to post, then I remember I’m not in the entertainment business.

  • If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple Thank you.’ is all I need! Not all this How did you get in my house?’ business!

  • I have got the best business idea of 2013, I am going to start Facebook rehab centers throughout country.

  • JOKE OF THE YEAR: Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business.

  • Everybody knows that door handles spread disease but when I started a business to clean them and called it Knob Jobs all I got were creepy phone calls.

  • No, I don’t want to “Like” your business on Facebook. I barely “Like” you.

  • It’s a vagina, not a small business!

  • Studies show that your chances of getting murdered drop down significantly when you STFU and mind your own business.

  • Flirting is dangerous business. One wrong move and you’re committed.

  • Nothing says I mean business’ like using a grocery cart at the liquor store.

  • My friend keeps telling me I’m in the closet. I just say it’s Narnia business.

  • My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.

  • I quit my job at the donut shop because I was fed up with the hole business.

  • I started a yacht making business in my attic; sails are going through the roof.

  • My friend keeps telling me I’m in the closet. I just say it’s Narnia business.

  • If you want to set up a company and run it, then that’s your own business.

  • I’m starting up my own business recycling discarded chewing gum…I just need help getting it off the ground!

  • My sister has recently decided to pursue a career in the porn business.I called her last night to ask how her first day went…She said it was a lot to take in!

  • I’ve started a business selling prayer mats which are also trampolines…Prophets are going through the roof!

  • Just started my own business selling John Lennon memorabilia on Ebay…Imagine all the PayPal!

  • The actor who played Captain Kirk in Star Trek has announced that his female lingerie business has been a total failure…In hindsight, maybe Shatner Knickers wasn’t the best name for the venture!

  • I once showed an American colleague who was over on a business conference the sights.“Wow,” he said. “I can’t believe how small and compact everything is. Your cars, your buildings, your TV’s even your food portions.”Then I introduced him to my wife. That fucking shut him up!

  • I got no investment at all on Dragons’ Den with my Astro Turf business…They didn’t like my pitch!

  • I was at the horse racing this weekend. Minding my own business, this bloke sidled up to me and said, “Pssst do you want the winner of the next race?”I said, “No thanks mate, I’ve only got a small garden!”

  • I don’t advertise my lip-reading business…It’s all word of mouth!

  • I was at the horse racing this weekend. Minding my own business, this bloke sidled up to me and said, “Pssst do you want the winner of the next race?”I said, “No thanks mate, I’ve only got a small garden!”#GrandNational2022

  • So I’m thinking of starting my own jewellery business…If you want to help, give me a ring!

  • I’m thinking of setting up a business fixing broken snooker and pool cues…Anyone got any tips?

  • I started my puncture repair business from a small flat!

  • A little boy was walking on the road eating a chocolate.A man came over and said, “Son, eating chocolates is bad for your health.”The boy replied, “Do you know, my Grandpa lived to be 105 years old.”“By eating chocolates?” the man asked.“No, by minding his own business!”

  • I was ice-skating today just minding my own business when I noticed a ‘chunky’ lass giving me the eye.Eventually she came over. “Hi there, I’m a bit shy I’m not very good at breaking the ice,” she laughed.I said, “Have you tried jumping love?”

  • I’m looking to start up my own business recycling discarded chewing gum…I just need a little help getting it off the ground!

  • Apparently Kwasi Kwarteng had trouble getting a seat on the plane back to the UK because nobody wanted him anywhere near business or economy!

  • Anyone interested in helping me in a new business venture recycling old chewing gum?I just need help getting it off the ground!

  • I’ve started a boat building business in my attic……sails are going through the roof.

  • My friend and I are working on a tight deadline in our Dracula action figure business.I have to make every second Count.

  • I saw a man pushing a lion and a witch into a wardrobe. I asked what are you doing? He replied…..Go away, it’s Narnia business.

  • Why did Dracula not want to attend the business meeting?He was afraid of the stakeholders.

  • I found a lion in my wardrobe, I asked what was he doing in there?He replied: Narnia business.

  • A man was recently arrested after being found hiding in a wardrobe.When the police asked him what he was doing there, he said ‘Narnia business’.

  • So 2 trees got arrested in the town I live…Heard they’ve been doing some shady business.

  • I bought 75% of shares in a vampire hunting business.I’m the main stakeholder.

  • Man: Waitress, can I ask you something about the menu pleaseWaitress: *slaps his face*The men I please are none of your damn business!

  • I am starting a business to teach short people math.It’s called making the little things count.

  • What would Wonder Woman and Spider-Man name their business?Amazon Web Services.

  • Waitress, can I ask you something about the menu please?Waitress: slaps me across the face.The men I please are none of your business!

  • Why did Dracula not want to attend the business meeting?He was afraid of the stakeholders.

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