Topics

Cheese Jokes

  • My new girlfriend lets me lick anything off her and I love it. Butter, jam, cheese, you name it she lets me lick it off her. She’s a cracker.


  • Donald Trump is starting a petition to stop the sale of pre-shredded cheese. He’s very serious about trying to make the USA grate again.

  • Shredded cheese has officially been banned at grocery stores in the US. President Trump will make America grate again.

  • Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? … There was nothing left but de Brie.

  • I went to cinema last night and saw a movie about cheese. It was G rated.

  • Yo mama is so fat, when the judge said “order”, she order a milkshake, cheeseburger, and fries.

  • Everyone always makes fun of my man purse until I bust out a bottle of wine, a bag of weed, a bong, milk, cookies and a cheese platter.

  • When I was a boy my Momma would send me down to the corner store with a $1 and i’d come back with 2 loafs of bread, 3 bottles of milk, a block of cheese, a box of tea, 6 eggs and 5 potatoes. You can’t do that now , too many feckin security cameras.

  • I bought a cheese grater for my blind uncle. He said it was the most violent thing he ever read.

  • Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way. Although we cannoli do so much, he will forever be a pizza history. His wife? Cheese still not over it. Just goes to show here today, gone tomato. Lets send olive our prayers to the family.

  • Bought a cheese grater for a blind friend… He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.

  • Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!

  • What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

  • Just had a job interview at the cheese shop. They really grilled me. Hopefully I fit the mold.

  • I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have grater problems.

  • Breaking news! A hurricane has just hit the the main cheese factory in France. All that’s left is de-Brie.

  • What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

  • My housemate opened the fridge last night and threw a block of cheese at me. I said “That’s mature.”

  • Me and the missus tried one of those flavoured condoms last night…“Mmmmmm, cheese and onion flavour”, she said.I replied, “I haven’t even put it on yet!”

  • BREAKING: Strong winds have blown the roof off our local cheese factory…There’s de brie everywhere!

  • My wife lets me lick anything off her and I love it.Butter, jam, cheese, you name it she lets me lick it off her…She’s a cracker!

  • Storm Arwen has blown the roof off our local cheese factory…There’s de brie everywhere!

  • BREAKING: Boris Johnson will address the nation at 8pm tonight after Covid threat raised from Level 3 to Level 4.This will be followed closely by cheese and nibbles and several rounds of quiz questions about the biggest scandals of the year!

  • My neighbour’s little lad got a bike for Christmas and he seems to have a tiny Edam cheese strapped to its handlebars…Think it must be his baby bell!

  • Apologies to all the people who saw me lying flat on the dining room table with cheese piled on top of me…They must think I’m crackers!

  • Sign at the pub, ‘Cheese roll £3.00, Ham sandwich £3.50, Hand job £10’.I said to the gorgeous barmaid, “Are you the one that gives the hand jobs?”She said sexily, “Yes, that’s me.”I said, “Well wash your hands girl and make me a ham sandwich!”

  • Storm Eunice has blown the roof off our local cheese factory…There’s de brie everywhere! #StormEunice

  • Just been to the shortest cheese festival ever… The brie fest!

  • I think shredded cheese should be banned in England…Lets make Britain grate again!

  • Strange new trend in the office. People putting names on food in the communal fridge…Today I had a cheese sandwich named Susan!

  • I keep receiving gifts of cheese from a long lost love…I’m getting sent emmentel!

  • Me and the missus tried one of those flavoured condoms last night.“Mmmmmm, cheese and onion flavour,” she said.I replied, “I haven’t even put it on yet!”

  • The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

  • What cheese is made backwards?Edam.

  • Due to the global pandemic, Germany is running out of sausages and cheese.The government considers this to be the Wurst Käse scenario.

  • So I said to the woman at the deli I’d like to buy a ham and cheese baguette with picklesShe said Sorry, we only take cash or card.

  • Sweet dreams are made of cheese.Who am I to diss-abrie ?

  • What do you call the man who shreds your cheese at a restaurant?Not sure, but he seems like a grate guy.

  • Did you hear about the cook who died?He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. It was simply his thyme. His wife is so devastated cheese in need of our support.

  • If sweet dreams are made of cheese…Who am I to dis-a-brie?

  • I said to the customer, So you’d like a cheeseburger? Yes, He said. Well done.Thank you, I said.

  • What’s special about Edam cheese?It’s made backwards.

  • What type of cheese is made backwards?Edam.

  • I had a hard time figuring out why I don’t consider cottage cheese truly cheese.But it’s just a curd to me.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *