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Coffin Jokes

  • I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed four grave diggers walking about with a coffin, three hours later and they’re still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they’ve lost the plot!


  • The inventor of throat lozenges has died. There’ll be no coffin at his funeral.

  • I invented a Glass Coffin, but I don’t know if it will catch on. Remains to be seen.

  • I opened my front door this morning to find a large black coffin. I gave him a pack of Lockets and told him to fuck off.

  • Just before I die, I’m going to change my name to OFF’. That way, when the hearse is driving to the church, it will have displayed on top of my coffin in flowers: R.I.P. OFF

  • A condom and a coffin. Both are designed for stiffs. The difference is one is for coming and the other for going

  • When the inventor of the USB stick dies they’ll gently lower the coffin, then pull it back up, turn it the other way, then lower it again.

  • A man tried to sell me a coffin today… I told him that’s the last thing I need.

  • My friend offered to buy me a coffin, but I told him that’s the last thing I’ll need.

  • Remains to be seen if glass coffins become popular.

  • A man tried to sell me a coffin today… I told him that’s the last thing I need.

  • The man who invented Tupperware has sadly passed away… The funeral was delayed by an hour because they couldn’t find the correct sized lid for his coffin!

  • Someone tried to sell me a coffin today…I said that’s the last thing I need!

  • Someone tried to sell me a coffin today.I said that’s the last thing I need.

  • (At my boss’s funeral kneeling and whispering at coffin):Who’s thinking outside the box now Gary?

  • Someone tried to sell me a coffin today.I said that’s the last thing I need.

  • A guy tried to sell me a coffin.I told him that’s the last thing I need.

  • A guy tried to sell me a coffin today.I told him that’s the last thing I need.

  • The man who invented throat lozenges died last week.There was no coffin at the funeral.

  • My friend drowned, so for his funeral we put a life preserver on his coffin.It’s what he would have wanted.

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