Dog Jokes

Women: When it comes to doggie style…men are behind you 100%

Some girl asked what my sign was. I told her it was “beware of dog” and then I dry humped her leg.

Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.

My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard & earned an online college degree.

Running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for dogs?

My next girlfriend I am going to train like my dog. She will be loyal, obedient, and lick herself.

I wonder if dog’s had facebook, would they put our picture as their profile picture.

I think it’s really strange how some people talk to their animals, give them personalities and make up voices for them. My dog, Steve, agrees with me.

Dog’s Facebook status: Tried to save the master from the vacuum cleaner today… He just yelled at me.

Can’t figure out why my dog licks his balls. They taste fcuking disgusting.

I love doggie style as much as the next guy, but sometimes she’s just too pretty to fcuk from behind.

Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don’t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!

A dog will never borrow money from you, and that’s why he’s man’s best friend.

Sometimes I like to pet another dog while making eye contact with my dog. Adds just the right amount of tension to our relationship.

I bet the Chinese get excited when it’s raining cats and dogs. Must be like a buffet for them.

Whenever I drop something edible I just call my dog over to clean it up.

Have you ever done it kitty style? It’s like doggy style, but with purring, scratching and biting.

For not knowing what’s going on, dogs sure look embarrassed when you watch them taking a dump.

Hero’s don’t wear capes, they wear dog tags.

Did anyone ever find out who let the dogs out?

Last time I was upset, my dog brought me all of his toys and laid on my head.

I spent an hour explaining how WiFi works to my wife and my dog. The dog gets it.

An old lady at the park said to me today, “I see your dog’s fetching balls.”I said, “I know he has but, at your age, you shouldn’t really be looking.”

Why is it a dog finds great joy sticking his head out of a car going 55mph, but if you blow in his face he’ll try and kill you……….Bad Breath

I miss newspapers. It’s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad

The coolest thing about being a dog must be the ability to use your own ass for a pillow.

Just had a fart that sounded like an un-oiled door opening slowly. Made the dog bark.

I’m pretty sure if dogs could talk their most common phrase would be “Are you going to eat that?”

There is no snooze button on a dog that wants to go out for a piss.