Door Jokes

  • Today I opened the door to the supply room and four Chinese dudes jumped out and yelled “supplies!”

  • I slammed the car door on my fingers this afternoon. In related news, there’s an 83% chance that my nephew just added “Mother*ucker” to his vocabulary.

  • I hate when people come to MY house, knock on MY door, and then give me the “why aren’t you wearing pants” look.

  • Scared the postman by going to the door naked. I’m not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived.

  • The lesbians next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday. very nice, but i think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch!

  • Sorry hun, but unlike you, I’m not a doorknob where everyone gets a turn. I’m more of a casino where only the lucky ones hit the jackpot.

  • I just don’t get it…My wife’s friends come to MY house, knock on MY door, and then give me the “why aren’t you wearing pants” look.

  • My wife has just walked out the door with the kids for good because of my addiction to horse racing. In fact, I can see them now they’re all at the gate and they’re off!

  • I just don’t understand my next door neighbor. She keeps going on about how she’d love to be a contestant on a reality show, but she went mental when she found out I’d put cameras all over her house.

  • I had my identity stolen once. The next day I found it on my doorstep with a note saying, “F@ck you, you can keep it.”

  • LIKE if you don’t ring the doorbell… You just text or call to say you’re outside.

  • Study shows 1 in 10 people live next door to a pedophile. Not me, though. I live next door to 2 really hot middle school girls.

  • My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.

  • Just had a fart that sounded like an un-oiled door opening slowly. Made the dog bark.

  • It is hard to imagine how people showed their anger before doors were invented.

  • If she asks you to be in an open relationship, tell her to walk out that open door. She’s a slut.

  • The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be confused by a push/pull door.

  • When one door closes, another opens. Also, you can open the closed door. That’s how doors work.

  • The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyone’s face at Starbucks.

  • How much is appropriate to tip the police officer who opens the squad car door for you?

  • Vasaline is the key to having sex with your spouse after having children… *Just stick that stuff on the outside of the doorknob and the kids can’t turn the knob to get in.

  • My girlfriend always cheats when we play board games, like last night, we were all playing Monopoly and she was next door fucking the neighbour.

  • Nice try Jehovah’s Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to open my door.

  • I’ll see your fun outdoor activity and raise you a nap.

  • Found a note on my door today that said “You’re Awesome!” (: I’m the one that wrote it. But still… feels fucking good!

  • No thanks, Party Casino; if I wanted to gamble when watching porn, I’d start the video with the volume on full and my door wide open.

  • Priests, TV personalities and now MPs guilty of bum fidderling no wonder us children of the 70/80s bang on about playing outside all day…who the f*ck would have wanted to go indoors

  • I want to get a welcome mat for my front door that just says “Text Me”

  • My neighbor knocked on my door at 2 am this morning and said, “Yo, I can’t fcking sleep.” “Well it’s your lucky day,” I said, “I’ve got a party going on in here, come in.”

  • If one door closes and another one opens, seek help your house is haunted.

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