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Door Jokes

  • Oscar Pistorius said he wanted a new bathroom door….. But his girlfriend was dead against it


  • Freak people out in public restrooms by saying “come in” when they knock on the stall door

  • There’s a knock at my door. Jehovah’s Witness. I decided to let him in. I go, “Now what?” He says, “I dunno…I never got this far.”

  • Everybody knows that door handles spread disease but when I started a business to clean them and called it Knob Jobs all I got were creepy phone calls.

  • If whores, witches, ghosts and hobo’s show up on my doorstep, I can only assume it’s Halloween because our family reunion was in July….

  • What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say? We’re closed beat it.

  • Freak people out in public restrooms by saying “come in” when they knock on the stall door.

  • My wife says she’s leaving me because of my obsession with karaoke. I said “Fine, go on now go, walk out the door, just turn around now, because your not welcome anymore….”

  • Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.

  • The wife’s only listening to you outside the bathroom door to make sure you’re not touching the decorative hand towels

  • Hey guys! I live in a soundproof house with no doors or windows and I’d just like to thank all 900 of you for your status updates telling me there’s a storm outside because I wouldn’t have known otherwise and I like to keep in touch with the world. Thank you very much!

  • A man came to my door and asked if I would make a donation to the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.

  • Actually….The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is,,,,,, Just open the door and push her out.

  • The inventor of the doorbell OBVIOUSLY did not own a dog.

  • I walked past a lady in her car with convertible down. She locked the door out of fear. So I smacked her in the back of the head & ran way

  • Is it so wrong to bang on your neighbor’s door at 2am and ask them to reset their modem?

  • I went door-to-door today telling my neighbors I’m a registered sex offender so they’ll keep their damn kids out of my yard.

  • I just held the door open for a Japanese guy and he said, “Sank you” So I punched him in the face. I can’t believe he brought up Pearl Harbor just like that.

  • I bought a dog from the local blacksmith. As soon as I got it home, it made a bolt for the door.

  • Answered the door in my bath robe today. Funny place for a door.

  • Yesterday a clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.

  • Whoever invented the door knocker deserves a no-bell prize!

  • Doorbells, don’t knock ’em.

  • I tried to get into a trendy London nightclub last night.The doorman said to me, “Sorry mate, you’ve had too many.”I replied, “What, drinks?”He said, “No, birthdays!”

  • After my sisters door fell apart, my dad bought a new one from a daughter door salesman!

  • My attractive next door neighbour just confronted me about items missing from her washing line…I nearly shit her pants!

  • The other day, I was having sex with this married woman, when her husband came home early.She told me I’d have to use the back door and said I’d have to be quick…On reflection, I should have just left, but it’s not every day you get an offer like that!

  • I once bought a dog off a blacksmith…As soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door!

  • My wife phoned me & said, “Where are you? It’s pissing down & I forgot my key.”“I’m in bed, sorry.”She screamed, “Are you joking? I want you to get out of bed, walk down the stairs & open the door, NOW!”“What would be the point in that? Your sister lives 20 minutes away!”

  • There are some horrible people about…I heard a cat crying outside so I opened the door and saw four men in Manchester United shirts playing football with it.I was just about to phone the RSPCA when the cat went 1-0 up!

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