Door Jokes

Freak people out in public restrooms by saying “come in” when they knock on the stall door

There’s a knock at my door. Jehovah’s Witness. I decided to let him in. I go, “Now what?” He says, “I dunno…I never got this far.”

Everybody knows that door handles spread disease but when I started a business to clean them and called it Knob Jobs all I got were creepy phone calls.

If whores, witches, ghosts and hobo’s show up on my doorstep, I can only assume it’s Halloween because our family reunion was in July….

What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say? We’re closed beat it.

Freak people out in public restrooms by saying “come in” when they knock on the stall door.

My wife says she’s leaving me because of my obsession with karaoke. I said “Fine, go on now go, walk out the door, just turn around now, because your not welcome anymore….”

Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.

The wife’s only listening to you outside the bathroom door to make sure you’re not touching the decorative hand towels

Hey guys! I live in a soundproof house with no doors or windows and I’d just like to thank all 900 of you for your status updates telling me there’s a storm outside because I wouldn’t have known otherwise and I like to keep in touch with the world. Thank you very much!

A man came to my door and asked if I would make a donation to the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.

Actually….The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is,,,,,, Just open the door and push her out.

The inventor of the doorbell OBVIOUSLY did not own a dog.

I walked past a lady in her car with convertible down. She locked the door out of fear. So I smacked her in the back of the head & ran way

Is it so wrong to bang on your neighbor’s door at 2am and ask them to reset their modem?

I went door-to-door today telling my neighbors I’m a registered sex offender so they’ll keep their damn kids out of my yard.

I just held the door open for a Japanese guy and he said, “Sank you” So I punched him in the face. I can’t believe he brought up Pearl Harbor just like that.

I bought a dog from the local blacksmith. As soon as I got it home, it made a bolt for the door.

Answered the door in my bath robe today. Funny place for a door.

Yesterday a clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.

Whoever invented the door knocker deserves a no-bell prize!

Doorbells, don’t knock ’em.

I tried to get into a trendy London nightclub last night.The doorman said to me, “Sorry mate, you’ve had too many.”I replied, “What, drinks?”He said, “No, birthdays!”

After my sisters door fell apart, my dad bought a new one from a daughter door salesman!

My attractive next door neighbour just confronted me about items missing from her washing line…I nearly shit her pants!

The other day, I was having sex with this married woman, when her husband came home early.She told me I’d have to use the back door and said I’d have to be quick…On reflection, I should have just left, but it’s not every day you get an offer like that!

I once bought a dog off a blacksmith…As soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door!

My wife phoned me & said, “Where are you? It’s pissing down & I forgot my key.”“I’m in bed, sorry.”She screamed, “Are you joking? I want you to get out of bed, walk down the stairs & open the door, NOW!”“What would be the point in that? Your sister lives 20 minutes away!”

There are some horrible people about…I heard a cat crying outside so I opened the door and saw four men in Manchester United shirts playing football with it.I was just about to phone the RSPCA when the cat went 1-0 up!