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Flower Jokes

  • I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed four grave diggers walking about with a coffin, three hours later and they’re still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they’ve lost the plot!


  • A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to prom. First he goes to get a tux but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever. Next, he hast to get some flowers so he goes to a florist and there is a huge flower line there. It takes … Read more…

  • A gentleman was lured into a busy florist shop by a large sign in the window that read, Say It With Flowers.’ Wrap up one rose,’ he told the florist. Only one?’ the florist asked. Just one,’ the customer replied. I’m a man of few words.’

  • My girlfriend was complaining that I never buy her flowers. I didn’t even know she sold them.

  • For the past month I have woken up to find hundreds of flowers with no heads all over my doorstep, garden and drive. I think I’m being stalked

  • Just before I die, I’m going to change my name to OFF’. That way, when the hearse is driving to the church, it will have displayed on top of my coffin in flowers: R.I.P. OFF

  • For the past month I have woken up to find hundreds of flowers with no heads all over my doorstep, garden and drive. I think I’m being stalked.

  • A man called Andrew moved from Cork to Dublin to open a flower shop. … …. …. He was quite successful and through great marketing, quality product, and reasonable prices, Andrew’s Flowers became the top garden shop in all Dublin. Some monks that had a stall set up nearby took notice and, since attendance at … Read more…

  • Common sense is a flower that doesn’t grow in everyone’s garden.

  • Showing your love used to be buying them flowers or writing a poem. Now it’s just looking at them for 5 minutes without checking your phone.

  • Brace yourselves!! The flowers, candy and jewelry mobile uploads are upon us…..

  • You can’t plant flowers if you haven’t botany.

  • My wife was upset that I never bought her flowers. I didn’t even know she sold flowers.

  • You can’t plant flowers if you haven’t botany.

  • A woman wakes up after a vagnial tuck, to find three bunches of flowers on her window sill…One from her surgeon to say that all went well…One from her husband saying “Get well soon”…And one from Tommy in the burns unit saying, “Thank you for the new ears!”

  • My dwarf girlfriend has been a bit down recently because people keep remarking on her size…So to cheer her up when she gets home from work, I’ve got her flowers, chocolates, wine and I’m going to run her a nice hot sink!

  • My mate said to me, “I bet you can’t make a pun about a flower?””But I rose to the challenge!

  • My wife said, “You’re so unromantic, you don’t even know what my favourite flower is!“Is it Homepride?” I asked.

  • Last year my wife was furious that I missed her birthday, and insisted that in future I should plan at least two months in advance. Well it’s her birthday in 8 weeks time, and I’m pleased to say I’ve already bought her her present…She’s going to absolutely love these flowers!

  • Just saw our next door neighbour getting a bunch of flowers delivered.I said, “Nice flowers love.”She said, “Yeah, but I’ll be spending all weekend flat on my back with my legs in the air now.”I said, “Bloody hell, get the tight bastard to buy you a fucking vase!”

  • After going to the trouble of buying dinner for two, wine, flowers and chocolate, I would have thought that getting a blowjob would be the least I could expect…Apparently not, and the checkout girl even called the manager!

  • If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?Pilgrims

  • God initially planned to use wasps to pollinate flowers.But in the end he went with plan Bee.

  • You can’t plant flowers.If you haven’t botany.

  • My wife’s mad at me because she said I never buy her flowers.I honestly didn’t even know she sold flowers.

  • God initially planned to use wasps to pollinate flowers.But in the end he went with plan Bee.

  • My wife complains I don’t buy her flowers.To be honest, I didn’t know she sold flowers.

  • My wife has just phoned me to say that 3 girls in her office have received flowers and they are absolutely gorgeous.I said, That’s probably why.

  • Someone keeps sending me flowers with the heads cut off…I think I’m being stalked.

  • What did dad say to mom when he bought her the wrong kind of flower?Whoops, a daisy.

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