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Game Jokes

  • Had to stop watching Game of Thrones with my parents tonight, because of all the sex. So I’ve recorded it to watch after they’ve finished.


  • Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth, then it just becomes a soap opera.

  • Who will take the second shot in this snooker game? Find out, after the break.

  • I played a game of poker with a leper. He threw his hand in.

  • Scrabble, it’s all fun and games until someone loses an I.

  • The Olympics start tomorrow…or should we refer to it as The Hunger Games? Rabid Dogs running loose, Water not fit to drink, corrupt politicians, Security threats, Just surviving will get you a Gold Medal

  • If I ever start a team, I’m going to name it “Each Other Off”…That way when we loose a game, the other players will have to tell people they “beat each other off last night”!!!

  • Maybe if women would quit playing games they’d worry less about competition

  • It makes me sad that in this age of computers and video games, children will never understand what it’s like to be raised by television.

  • By the time you learn the rules of life, you’re too old to play the game.

  • My mom likes to play this game called “yell from four rooms away and get upset when I can’t hear her”.

  • Never underestimate the power of a woman’s INTUITION. Some women can recognize game before you even play it.

  • Love is not a game. If you think it is, then you’re not playing it right.

  • Tell me you love me. Then get in the kitchen, make me a sandwich and let me play my video games so I know it’s real

  • Dating a single mother…. It’s like continuing from somebody else’s saved game.

  • I don’t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper placemats with puzzles… game on!

  • I think I’m gonna just be a rapper. apparently you need zero experience, and zero talent to be a millionaire in the rap game now?

  • Sometimes when I play a game on my computer, the screen goes dark and I see my own reflection in the screen and wonder what I am doin with my life ..then the next level starts.

  • What does a Miami Heat fan do when his team wins the NBA Finals? He turns off the video game system.

  • When I get on facebook I get excited when I see the red numbers over the globe thing until I open it and find it is for a stupid game request.

  • It’s all fun and games until your iPhone is at 10% power

  • My wife and I like to play this little game where we both see something that needs to be put away, but we leave it out to see how long it takes the other one to do it. She doesn’t seem to enjoy it as much as I do.

  • I keep an identical glass of vodka next to the glass of water on my bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette

  • I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what’s going on and there’s a lot of sex and wine drinking.

  • When I play fighting games I press random buttons and hope for the best.

  • My girlfriend always cheats when we play board games, like last night, we were all playing Monopoly and she was next door fucking the neighbour.

  • Spain’s king, Juan Carlos, has stepped down from the throne to make way for his son, who is more popular. Which, by the way, would be the worst “Game of Thrones” episode ever.

  • The World Cup starts next week. A wildlife center in China says that its baby panda will correctly predict the outcome of the World Cup games. When asked what will happen, the panda said, “None of the stadiums will be ready and all the games will be canceled.”

  • A guy in New York is selling the world’s largest video game collection, which includes 11,000 games. He doesn’t really want to sell it, but he needs some way to pay for the divorce.

  • “Game of Thrones” author George R. R. Martin joined Twitter this week. He already has 80,000 followers and that’s just the cast of “Game of Thrones.”

  • 7 million people watched the “Game of Thrones” season finale. Seven million people. That’s one viewer for each “Game of Thrones” character.

  • Game of Thrones characters should have to wear jerseys with their names on the back

  • Queen Elizabeth is planning to visit the set of “Game of Thrones” next week. She said things are hard to keep track of because everyone keeps dying. And then Prince Charles said, “Not everyone.”

  • I think some people just log into Facebook just to send me game requests.

  • England was knocked out of the World Cup. It’s the most English people wiped out at one time since the last episode of “Game of Thrones.”

  • The cast of “Game of Thrones” had a very special visitor Queen Elizabeth. A lot of the Royals on “Game of Thrones” get offed. It leads me to believe this visit was arranged by Prince Charles.

  • The average strokes per game at Wimbledon is 15, unless Maria Sharapova is playing then it is considerably higher…

  • After a klose game with messi challenges and neuer goal scoring opportunities, ze Germans kept their cool and gotze World Cup that they deserved!

  • I just read about this student at MIT who’s created a new robot that can play Connect Four. Yes, an emotionless machine that can occasionally sit down and play a board game with you, or as I called that growing up my Dad.

  • The Commonwealth Games: An excuse NOT to invite Russia, China and the USA.

  • The Commonwealth Games: For when you can’t win an Olympic medal.

  • An African athlete has been banned from the Commonwealth Games after testing positive to a performance enhancing substance.’ ….Food.

  • I was watching the men’s hockey at the commonwealth games today, I was thinking it must be a very dangerous game to play, I mean half the Indian team were running around with bandages on their heads

  • Commonwealth Games: Building unrealistic goals and dreams for British athletes going to the olympics since 1930.

  • Scrabble is adding 5,000 new words including “chillax” and “selfie.” So kids, there’s never been a better time to challenge your grandparents to a game of Scrabble.

  • I asked the lady from the collection agency out on a date. She turned me down, but keeps calling. I told her I’m too old for games.

  • When the zombie apocalypse finally starts, I am running straight to the graveyard to play the most epic game of whack-a-mole ever.

  • I say we give them 1 more day and if they can’t come to an agreement then we initiate the 1st U.S. Hunger Games.

  • Send me one more game request and I’m showing up at your house hammered, at 4am, naked and demanding a game of Twister…

  • What is love? Those who play with it call it a game. Those who don’t have it call it a dream. And me, I call it you.

  • Well, it’s the end of the year. No point in trying to become a good person this late in the game.

  • When is Dennis Rodman going to realize that he will be executed as soon as the North Korean basketball team he is training loses their first game.

  • I consider myself a tolerable person, and I can care less if you are gay/straight;black/white; or conservative or liberal. The one thing I cannot tolerate, is ALL YOUR FUKN GAME REQUESTS!!!!!

  • Game: “Would you like to try the tutorial first?” Me: “No.” *minutes later* “How the f*ck do you play this?”

  • I’m old school when it comes to video games and by that I mean I turn into a senior citizen who yells “which one am I?” every 30 seconds.

  • Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth…. Then it’s a soap opera

  • I asked a Frenchman if he played video games. He said “Wii”.

  • Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth…. Then it’s a soap opera

  • I asked a Frenchman if he played video games. He said “wii”.

  • What did one bird say to the other cheating parrot? Toucan play at that game.

  • I can’t stand those people who hate football but still go along to games to cause trouble and ruin it for everybody else…Fucking referees!

  • I can’t believe how dangerous playing Scrabble with the family is…It’s all fun and games until someone loses an I

  • My girlfriend said to me last night, “You treat our relationship like some kind of game!”Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and an extra go!

  • I just had a game of darts with a zombie and an alien…One undead and E.T!

  • I had eczema, diarrhoea and haemorrhoids over the weekend…My best game of Scrabble ever!

  • I played in a game of rugby against the local womans team. I got pulled off at half time…We normally just get oranges!

  • The #LoveIsland drinking game:1. Turn this fucking bullshit off 2. Go down the pub

  • My wife and I are going out for dinner as soon as our game of ‘I don’t care where we go, where do you want to go?’ is finally fucking over!

  • Does anybody else feel the intense awkwardness when a woman doesn’t choose the iron in a game of Monopoly?

  • Sick and tired of hearing these Commonwealth games athletes say how much work they’ve put in and the sacrifices they’ve made…What do they want? A fucking medal?

  • I’m just watching the Commonwealth Games and I’m thinking the lengths some people will go, just to win a swimming race!

  • There’s a new game called Silent Tennis.It’s like regular Tennis, but without the racquet.

  • I tried to carry my oversized board game onto the plane, but I wasn’t allowed.They said the Risk was too big.

  • My wife blocked me on Facebook because I post too many bird puns.Well, toucan play at that game.

  • My boyfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much.What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.

  • I finally got revenge on a friend for stealing one of my board games.They took a Risk, but now they don’t have a Clue.

  • How do you hide a new video game before Christmas?You put the cartridge in a pear tree.

  • A friend of mine kept annoying me with puns about birds.But I taught him Toucan play that game!

  • I met some chess enthusiasts in a hotel lobby recently.They just kept bragging about how good they are at the game.There’s nothing worse than chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

  • How do gamers like to shower?With Steam.

  • My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with video games…What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.

  • My son was spending too much time playing computer games, so I said, Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace.He considered this for a moment and replied: When Abe Lincoln was your age he was The President of the United States.

  • What does Arnold Schwarzenegger say at the beginning of a game of chess?I’ll be black.

  • What is a Stormtrooper’s favourite TV show?Game of Clones.

  • I had a game of quiet tennis today.It’s just like regular tennis but without the racket.

  • My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with video games.What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.

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