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Golf Jokes

  • Bad at golf?
    Join the club.


  • Bad at golf? Join the club.

  • It takes a lot of balls to golf like me.

  • Just had my first round of golf. I’m not very good, in fact I’ve got a fairway to go.

  • Just been watching women’s golf on Sky. It’s so much like real life…They’re shit at driving but great with an iron!

  • A lady golfer teed off & saw her ball hit a man at the next hole. He clasped his hands together at his groin & fell down in agony.She rushed over and undid his pants. Gently massaging inside she said, “Is that better?”“Great!” he said. “But I think my thumb is still broken!”

  • Driving a golf buggy isn’t as easy as it looks…But I’ve finally got it down to a tee!

  • My neighbour was rushed into hospital with a golf ball up his backside…The Doctor said it’s gone up a fairway!

  • Just been watching womens golf on Sky. It’s so much like real life…They’re shit at driving but great with an iron!

  • My friend showed me his new golf ball. “It’s amazing, you can’t lose it. It floats, it has a GPS tracker and glows in the dark.”“Wow, ” I said. “Where did you get it from?”“I found it!”

  • A man fell into a display of 300 golf clubs at a sports shop earlier today…Doctors have said that he should be ok but he’s not out of the woods yet!

  • I once got diarrhoea during a golf lesson…My swing wasn’t up too much, but my follow through was brilliant!

  • A lion would never play golf but a tiger would!

  • Before golf balls were invented, how did they measure the size of hailstones?

  • Why do golfers take an extra pair of socks when golfing?Just in case they get a hole in one.

  • Which sport has four letters and starts with T?Golf.

  • What is the difference between a golfer and a parachuter having a bad day?A golfer goes wack Awe shit! A parachuter goes Awe shit! wack.

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