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Human Jokes

  • I was reading that dogs can successfully sniff out cancer in humans. Now I’m worried that I’ve got testicular cancer.


  • “According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with 4 arms, 4 legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.”

  • Anybody who says they could never conceive of killing another human being just needs to meet more people.

  • They say the human imagination is infinite. Try to imagine a new color.

  • You can lead a human to knowledge…. but you can’t make them think.

  • Apparently typos only become visible to the human eye AFTER you hit send.

  • Are there any other animals besides humans who communicate unnecessarily?

  • The search for Flight 370 was declared “The most difficult in human history.” Amelia Earhart could not be reached for comment…

  • This week is the 40th anniversary of the Rubik’s Cube. If you kids don’t know what a Rubik’s Cube is, it’s what people would stare at without human interaction before cellphones.

  • New Scientist magazine reports that a team of British engineers in Bristol have developed a car that runs on human shit …I bet that “new car smell” doesn’t last very f*cking long.

  • Money :::: humans are the only species that have to pay to live on earth..

  • The human body is 80% water, so we are basically just cucumbers with anxiety.

  • I’m surprised the Pope didn’t tweet from an Android, considering humanity and God’s experience with apples.

  • Events like the death of the Indian gang-rape victim just help remind me why I hate humans so much.

  • If you think human beings have evolved a lot. Look at how much Egyptians worshiped cats. Then go look at Facebook for about 10 minutes.

  • The female praying mantis devours the male within minutes after mating, while the female human prefers to stretch it out over a lifetime.

  • Did you know there are 260 bones in the human body? Want one more?

  • Alien 1: “Did the humans get our message?” Alien 2: “Yeah, but they named it dub-step and dance to it.”

  • Scientist believe that coworkers are the main reason why humans developed middle fingers.

  • And the moral of Little Red Riding Hood is,,, Learn to differentiate facial features between a wild dog & a human…

  • Scientists have successfully managed to graft a pigs ear onto a human head…Apparently the recipient can hear okay except for a bit of crackling!

  • The man who invented human cloning has died…The mourners will probably be beside themselves at the funeral!

  • Jokes about the human body are generally corny…Jokes about eyes though are even cornea!

  • My mate just got fired from his job at the human cannon ball factory!

  • I’d never sign up to a human-cloning programme…I don’t think I could live with myself!

  • Gutted. I’ve recently completed my human cannonball training and I’ve just been informed that they are firing me this afternoon!

  • A biology teacher grew human vocal cords from stem cells in the lab…The results speak for themselves!

  • I’m a scientist who’s researching bestiality between humans and dogs…If you want me, I’ll be in my Lab!

  • I was having sex with a girl earlier. We did it doggy style and I lasted thirty minutes…That’s 4 mins 30 secs in human time!

  • To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.

  • The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

  • My wife said, I don’t really understand the science behind human cloning.I said, That makes two of us.

  • My wife said, I don’t understand the science behind human cloning.I said, That makes two of us.

  • I didn’t last very long in my last job as a human cannonball…I was fired.

  • Jokes about the human body are generally corny.Jokes about eyes though are even cornea.

  • Scientists may have discovered a method to extract gold from human waste.I’m not sure myself but I’ll have to see how this shit pans out.

  • I’d never sign up to a human-cloning programme.I don’t think I could live with myself.

  • If I don’t perfect human cloning.I won’t be able to live with myself.

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