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Lawyer Jokes

  • U2 has never paid for legal representation, as their lawyers are pro-Bono.


  • I called my lawyer and said: ‘Can I ask you two questions?’ He said: ‘Of course. What’s the second question?’

  • Genie: I shall grant you 3 wishesMe: I wish for a world without lawyersGenie: Done, you have no more wishesMe: But you said 3Genie: Sue me.

  • What suits do lawyers like to wear?A lawsuit.

  • I tried suing an airport cause I lost my luggage.Lawyers kept saying I already lost my case.

  • What do lawyers wear to court?A lawsuit.

  • My son is studying to become a lawyer, so I texted him, If you tickle a man to death by accident…Is it manslaughter?!

  • I heard you can get lawyers at Ikea now.They’re very affordable, but you have to build your own case.

  • What is the lawyer’s favorite drink?Subpoena colada.

  • What do lawyers wear to work?Law suits…

  • Me: I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present.Cop: You ARE the lawyer.Lawyer: So where’s my present?

  • A guy goes into a lawyer’s office and asks the lawyer: Excuse me, how much do you charge?The lawyer responds: I charge £1,000 to answer three questions.Bloody hell – That’s a bit expensive isn’t it?Yes. What’s your third question?

  • Genie: I shall grant you 3 wishes.Me: I wish for a world without lawyers.Genie: Done, you have no more wishes.Me: But you said 3.Genie: Sue me.

  • Genie: I shall grant you 3 wishesMe: I wish for a world without lawyersGenie: Done, you have no more wishesMe: But you said 3Genie: Sue me

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