Party Jokes

A new nightclub has just opened down the road and they are offering free drinks all night for just under 20 quid. So tonight I’m gonna party like it’s 19.99.

My mate went to a fancy dress party as a silent bee. “Very subtle,” I thought.

Back in the days when he was a community organizer, Obama went to a Halloween costume party. He was just wearing his street clothes, and he had his wife sitting on his shoulders. The host says to him, “Dude, this is a Halloween party! You’re supposed to be wearing a costume!” Obama replied, I am … Read more…

I lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was sexually harassing some woman at that party. Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman not on my watch.

My wives going to a fancy dress party tonight dressed as a Rastafarian. She wants me to do her hair. I’m dreading it!

I was at a very awkward party last night in an Igloo. I tried to break the ice, but it just made things worse.

A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed like a convict for a costume party. He quickly learned to never book a judge by their cover.

Party host: Anyone here allergic to nuts? Because I like to rest mine on the table.

I was at a party with some mates the other day and one of them said to me Is that the queue for the punch bowl over there?’ So I went over to the queue to find out and was told that it was actually for the buffet and that the punch had all gone. … Read more…

I went to a party dressed as a loaf of bread. The birds were all over me.

Spoiler Alert: There will be a minimum of 4 “Gangnam Styles” at every party this Halloween.

Sometimes I want to comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don’t wanna have to explain why I’m in your Random Party Pics 08 album at 4am.

Hi, I’m hosting a party with dinner & drinks on Friday 14th Feb for people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can’t cum let me know.

You’re on Facebook on a Saturday night talking about how hard you’re partying. But there’s a problem… You’re on Facebook on a Saturday night talking about how hard you’re partying. You’re not fooling anyone.

At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.

I always party like it’s 1999. Standing in a corner talking to nerds about The Matrix.

Getting married at 18 sounds a lot like leaving a party at 9:30pm.

These kids today need to show a little respect to those of us, who fought for, and won, the right to party.

A shout out to all of the beautiful women who don’t need to dress trashy to attract a man….. But party at my place for all those who do

Obama supporters will party all night, especially since most of them don’t work…

That awkward moment when you’re supposed to be cleaning your room and you put on music and it turns into a dance party for one.

Speak English, kiss French, drive German, dress Italian, spend Arab, party Caribbean.

My first memory was 9 months before I was born. I went to this crazy party with dad and left with mom.

Only ghetto people go to a family party, complain about the food and STILL take 3 plates home.

Throw a stranger a surprise party by putting confetti inside their closed umbrella when they’re not looking!

If you’re at a party and people start chanting your name, you’re obligated to do anything they want you to do.

I guess it’s time to face the reality that I just do not want to rock and roll all night. Nor do I wish to party eva-ree day.

I party until the taxi with the pretty red and blue lights picks me up.

Just been to my first Muslim birthday party. The musical chairs was a bit slow, but fcuk me the pass the parcel was quick!

No thanks, Party Casino; if I wanted to gamble when watching porn, I’d start the video with the volume on full and my door wide open.

Happy birthday to England’s Prince George, who turns 1 today. The prince’s first birthday party was a little different. His bouncy castle was an actual castle. And the pony rides were on Camilla.

Taking my wife to a wife swapping party tonight… Hoping to get a PS4 in return.

LinkedIn Bans Prostitutes And Escorts! I wasn’t even aware this service was available on LinkedIn. Why am I always late to the party?

There is nothing louder than a party across the street that you weren’t invited to.

My neighbor knocked on my door at 2 am this morning and said, “Yo, I can’t fcking sleep.” “Well it’s your lucky day,” I said, “I’ve got a party going on in here, come in.”

Well, today I realized that boobytrap backwards is partyboob, I think I’ve learned all that is possible for my brain to hold….

I got arrested for punching this guy at a new years eve party….. when you hear an Arab counting down from ten your instincts kick in.

Being the life of the party doesn’t mean being the whore of the night.

Dearest Neighbors, Please do NOT call the police, it’s not domestic violence or a wild party. It’s football season, that’s just me screaming at my TV.

You’re a party girl until your looks deteriorate. Then you’re just a drug addict.

I got arrested for punching this guy at a new years eve party….. when you here an Arab counting down from ten your instincts kick in.

Relationships these days are like Birthdays….Once the Cake is Eaten, the Party’s Over…!!!

My new party trick.. I swallow two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my ass tied together….. I shit you knot.”

I asked my mom one time why I was white and she was black. She said, ” the way I remember the party you’re lucky you don’t bark.”

I swear if my memory gets any worse, I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.

My new party trick.. I swallow two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my ass tied together. I sh!t you knot.

No party would be complete without that creepy guy sitting in the corner.

Sometimes I want to comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don’t wanna have to explain why I’m in your Random Party Pics’ album at 4am.

How do you organise a space party?You planet.

What did the father say to his crying son at his Indian themed birthday party?It’s chapatti and you can cry if you want to.

I said to my wife, “We have been invited to a swingers party, what do you think?”“I am well up for that, sounds great!” she replied.“Great,” I said. “I’ll ring your Dad back now then and let him know we are coming!”

I’ll never forget the day I met my wife at a Fancy Dress party. She was stood there looking gorgeous and slim next to her fat mate. They’d gone together dressed as the number 10…I knew then, she was the one!

I’ve been invited to the RNLI’s Halloween party… I’m quite looking forward to it. They really know how to push the boat out!

I’m not buying any apples for my Halloween party this year…That’ll save me a bob or two!

A friend has asked if I would like to help her to arrange a surprise piñata party for her daughter…No doubt I’ll give it a bash!

“Of course I’ll attend your no alcohol, vegan Halloween party tonight…I’ll be dressed as the Invisible Man!”

I was thinking of going dressed as a band-aid for a Halloween party, but then decided against it…It would be really hard to pull off!

Last year if you wanted a Christmas party you had to claim it was a work meeting…This year if you want to have a work meeting you have to claim it’s a Christmas party…Everyone clear?

My nephew fell asleep at a recent house party we had, so for a laugh I decided to shave his eyebrows off and draw a cock on his forehead…My sister went mad when she looked in his pram!

I think it would be more embarrassing for Boris Johnson if he hadn’t attended a party at his own house!

All this talk of a bring your own booze party is nonsense…There’s no way they would have bought their own booze. Has anyone checked their expense claims?

Had a load of mates round for a party and someone threw up in the kitchen sink…Nobody wants to own up to it so I guess I’m going to have to get the friends sick detective round!

9 months before I was born, I went to a party with my dad and left with my mum!

I’ll never forget the day I met my wife at a fancy dress party. She was stood there looking gorgeous and slim next to her fat mate. They’d gone together dressed as the number 10…I knew then, she was the one!

My daft friend asked me if I wanted to come to her dog’s birthday party on Saturday. Weirdo!My cat gets married then anyway!

I went to a fancy dress party in Birmingham where the theme was ‘spice’.I went as a chilli but everyone else was an astronaut!

My girlfriend went to a fancy dress party dressed as a storage heater… I thought she looked radiating!

Paleontologists are having a big party to celebrate unearthing the largest ever dinosaur tibia…It’s going to be quite a shindig!

The wife was all dressed as a pedal bin for the fancy dress party when it was cancelled at the last minute..Boy did she flip her lid!

I went to a fancy dress party last night dressed as a screwdriver…Turned a few heads!

I went to a spice themed fancy dress party in the West Midlands dressed as a chilli…Everyone else was dressed as astronauts!

Today was my son’s fourth birthday party. I didn’t recognise him at first…I’d never seen him be four!

So I went to a fancy dress party last night dressed as a fish. But turns out my mate lied to me and it wasn’t fancy dress at all…I was done up like a kipper!

My mate met his fiancé at a Hot Chocolate themed buffet party…It started with a quiche!

I was at a party last night and the DJ played, “Sit Down.”So we all sat down!He then played, “Jump Around.”So we all jumped around!Then he put on, “Come On Eileen.”I got thrown out!

I went to a fancy dress party last night where everyone had to dress up as an iced lolly…It was fab!

Got invited to a Cowboys and Indians fancy dress party…Really don’t want to go, but I will put a brave face on!

A group of road workers disappeared last weekend. The Police sent out a search party, no joy…But I’m happy to tell you they resurfaced this morning!

When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a house warming party…Now I’m homeless!

I was about to go to a fancy dress party as a can of deodorant. My wife stopped me and said, “Are you Sure?”

I went to a porn star reunion party today. It was nice to come across some familiar faces!

What’s worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face?Finding out it was traced!

I threw a a party for all the workers who helped build my house. The door guy showed up late…But he really knew how to make an entrance!

I went to a fancy dress party last night dressed as a fish, but turns out my mate lied to me and it wasn’t fancy dress at all…I was done up like a kipper!

My wife had a right go at me when I went to the fancy dress party as a Jelly Baby. I was like, “Alright love don’t bite my head off!”

Went to a Halloween party at the pub last night, but took ages to get served as they only had a skeleton staff working!#Halloween

I believe that if life gives you lemons,you should make lemonade. And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party

What do beekeepers put in their party bags?Freebees.

What do cannibals serve at the beginning of dinner party?handshakes.

Archaeologists are having a party to celebrate unearthing the largest ever dinosaur tibia.It’s going to be quite the shindig.

How do you organise a space party?Planet.,

Who hides in the bathroom at parties?The party-pooper.

Bill Gates meets Arnold Schwarzenneger at a party and asks him if he’s upgraded to Windows 10 yet? Big Arnie replies…….“Ah still love Vista Baby…..”

When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party.Now I’m homeless.

Why is it cheaper to throw a party in a haunted house?Because the ghosts will bring the boos.

I hurt my bottom after shaking it at the office party.It was a twerk-place injury.

If the scientists throw a party, the chemists bring the booze, the engineer sets up a beer pong table, and the botanist brings the weed. What does the astronomer do?Planet.

Have you heard about the political party that’s using really good weed to promote their political views and opinions?It’s propaganja.

When I moved into my igloo, my friends threw me a house warming party.Now I’m homeless.