Power Jokes

  • 2 convicted murderers escaped a New York prison using cordless power tools. Authorities said,when they get a hold of them they will be charged.

  • I cut off He-Man’s electricity today. Now I have the power.

  • It’s been a big year for my ten-year-old. Two months ago, he attended his first confession…. …. It took the cops four hours to break him. He’s got some willpower, that kid!

  • A large, powerfully built guy meets a woman at a bar, and after several drinks, they go back to his place. As they are getting ready for the act, he stands up and starts to undress. After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms, and says, “See that, baby? That’s 1000 pounds … Read more…

  • My biggest fear of Hurricane Sandy is that i’ll lose power and can’t Facebook

  • “According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with 4 arms, 4 legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.”

  • The Religious Right. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

  • Never underestimate the power of a woman’s INTUITION. Some women can recognize game before you even play it.

  • My moral compass must run on solar power because it never seems to work after dark.

  • Do NOT lower your standards to “keep” anyone. Make them meet you at YOUR level. Self respect is power.

  • It’s all fun and games until your iPhone is at 10% power

  • SARCASM: Giving me the exclusive power to humiliate idiots without them knowing it.

  • Common sense is so rare it should be classified as a super power

  • If it wasn’t for my incredible willpower, I would be exercising right now.

  • The sound of children laughing makes me happy. Unless I’m home alone and my power goes out.

  • Marvel have announced Thor is set to become a woman. New super powers include being judgmental, temperamental and unreasonable.

  • Sleeping in could easily be my superpower. If not for my arch-nemesis, having to pee.

  • Queen Elizabeth’s horse tested positive for morphine and a mix of other powerful drugs. Sources say the queen is in denial. She thinks someone confused her horse’s urine sample with Prince Harry’s.

  • When your kids are little you’re a super hero.When they’re teens you’re a super villain. After that, your only power is invisibility.

  • I have no super powers. I’m guessing I’m the villain.

  • Saw a girl with three lip-ring piercings on the subway this morning. Took everything in my power not to attach a shower curtain.

  • The most powerful words other than I LOVE YOU is “Salary is Credited”

  • We can’t control the wind, but we have the power to adjust the sails.

  • Religion is a multi-billion dollar industry and those benefiting financially from it will do everything in their power to keep the con going.

  • I would like to apologize to all my American Friends for the Power Blackout in India. Electricity is now restored and your Customer Service & Tech Support is now up & running.

  • The Obama Administration just created 100 million jobs @ Dell and Comcast by cutting power in India.

  • I’m a guy that loves to show a woman exactly what I like sexually. So I start off every first date with a 2-hour PowerPoint presentation.

  • My wife asked me earlier before going to the hairdressers, “What cut do you think would make me more attractive?”“A power cut”, was apparently was the wrong answer!

  • I walked up to fat girl eating meals in McDonalds.I said, “You need a bit of me in your life.”“Do I now?” she blushed with a smile. “What’s your name?”I replied, “The name’s Power, Will Power!”

  • I’ve just come out of the chippy with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas, and a jumbo sausage.A poor homeless man sat there and said, “I’ve not eaten for two days.” I told him, “I wish I had your will power!”

  • I have an amazing superpower. I can melt ice cubes just by staring at them…Takes a while but it actually works!

  • My missus was bitten by a radioactive owl last week and now she’s making all my decisions for me…She’s been given power of a tawny!

  • You should always fear a pirate duck.He has the power to unleash the quackin.

  • With great power comes....a great electricity bill.

  • Boss, How good are you at Power Point? Me, I excel at it. Boss, Was that a Microsoft Office pun?Me, Word.

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