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Running Jokes

  • I looked out of our window today and said to the wife… “It’s like rush hour outside.” “What, lots of traffic?” She replied. “No, there’s a black and Chinese guy running down the road in pursuit of a criminal.”


  • I saw a black man running from a shop with a turntable, amplifier and speakers under his arm being chased by a security guard. Talk about stereotypes.

  • I bought a race horse and decided to call it “MY FACE”. Just imagine it running down the home straight with all the women shouting “COME ON MY FACE”!!

  • Once again the award for the most stupid act ever was given to a man who glued his hands to the bars on a treadmill. That’s two years running now.

  • My business running a dating agency for chickens just folded. Its hard making hens meet.

  • I’m 94% sure I’m going to die in a running in flip flops incident.

  • The Olympics start tomorrow…or should we refer to it as The Hunger Games? Rabid Dogs running loose, Water not fit to drink, corrupt politicians, Security threats, Just surviving will get you a Gold Medal

  • Stupidity: Running over a string 10 times with the vacuum cleaner, picking it up, looking at it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

  • The Walking Dead. Or better known as The Running Living.

  • Alarm clocks should come with sounds like “doll feet running into the closet” Because I AM NOT HITTING SNOOZE WHEN I HEAR THAT SHIT

  • The trouble with not having a goal is that you can spend your life running up and down the field and never score.

  • Running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for dogs?

  • I’m running low on funny but I have plenty of sexy left.

  • If you want to go running with me, you’d better be prepared to walk a lot.

  • Do you know how many people were gored in Spain during the running of the bulls? Same as last year: Not enough

  • Turning off the downstairs lights and running upstairs so no one kills you

  • A computer losing its internet access is the equivalent of a car running out of gas, both become useless.

  • I don’t have a horse running in the Derby but my money is on Sarah Jessica Parker.

  • I’m no mathlete, but I CAN tell you that a 6 y/o running at 8 mph chasing an ice cream truck moving at 10 mph flies 7.4 ft if you trip him.

  • If running on a treadmill was the only way to recharge our phones we would be the healthiest mofos on the planet.

  • Today was the annual Running of the Bulls in Spain. So if you’re sick of all the fake injuries at the World Cup, get ready for some real ones.

  • Apparently the Royal Family is running out of money. They’re down to just 26.5 million …Which is what happens when nobody in your family has had a job for the last thousand years.

  • I was watching the men’s hockey at the commonwealth games today, I was thinking it must be a very dangerous game to play, I mean half the Indian team were running around with bandages on their heads

  • I was running down a street and saw a bloke, I shouted “Run quick, some lions have escaped from the zoo.”He said “which way are they heading?” I replied “Well, I’m not chasing the fuckers.”

  • Some days I think Forrest had the right idea when he dropped everything and just kept running.

  • What’s the right age to stop running naked from the bedroom to the bathroom?

  • When the zombie apocalypse finally starts, I am running straight to the graveyard to play the most epic game of whack-a-mole ever.

  • I am running out of people I actually like.

  • I hate when I’m set on running a yellow light and the person in front of me chickens out.

  • Playing Frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to just running after a Frisbee.

  • I would like to apologize to all my American Friends for the Power Blackout in India. Electricity is now restored and your Customer Service & Tech Support is now up & running.

  • Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I’m the asshole for tripping him??

  • I was sat in a London pub after the London Marathon wearing running gear and a tinfoil cape while strangers kept buying me drinks. Works every year!

  • Every morning I announce loudly to my family that I’m going jogging, but then don’t go…It’s a running joke!

  • The wife was in the kitchen cooking me bacon and eggs when I suddenly heard a loud thud. Running in I found her collapsed on the floor not breathing. I was in a blind frenzy, I had no idea what to do…Then I remembered, Wetherspoons do an alll day breakfast for just £3.99!

  • Everyday I wake up and announce loudly to my family that I am going jogging. Then I don’t go…It’s a running joke!

  • Every morning for the past six months, I announce loudly to my family that I’m going for a jog, and then I don’t…It’s my longest running joke of this year!

  • I never thought that I would be the type of person to get up early in the morning to go running…I was right!

  • The Police have finally tracked down the man who thinks he’s an electric car. He’s been running up and down the road holding up the traffic…Police say he will be charged at the station!

  • To all the dads out there, get revenge on your children by running into their rooms at 4am tomorrow to ask if you can open your Fathers Day presents!

  • I went round to my mates house yesterday and his kids were running round the house screaming.He looked at me and said, “Don’t ever have kids mate.”I said, “Hard work?”He said, “No, you’re an ugly cunt!”

  • I have a horse that only likes running at certain times in the evening…She’s a nightmare!

  • My wife asked me if I could clear the kitchen table…I had to get a running start but I made it!

  • It was eleven years ago today my best mate James came running out of the room shouting It’s a boy! with tears streaming down his face.We never went back to Thailand.

  • My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.I had to get a running start but I made it.

  • Due to the global pandemic, Germany is running out of sausages and cheese.The government considers this to be the Wurst Käse scenario.

  • Every morning I announce loudly to my family that I’m going jogging, but then don’t go.It’s a running joke.

  • Every morning for the past six months, I announce loudly to my family that I’m going for a jog, and then I don’t.It’s my longest running joke of this year.

  • I’ve just been promoted to running all of ‘ol Macdonalds farms!I’ll be the CIEIO.

  • My wife asked me if I could clear the kitchen table.I had to get a running start but I made it.

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