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Sexy Jokes

  • 10 qualities of a perfect girlfriend: 1. Truthful 2. Intelligent 3. Gentle 4. Humble 5. Tolerant 6. Polite 7. Understanding 8. Sexy 9. Smart 10. Young In short:- T.I.G.H.T.P.U.S.S.Y


  • Just found out that my sexy new girlfriend stays in shape by playing football. She’s a keeper.

  • Forget about sexy, I am bringing good manners back!

  • A MILF is a sexy ass mum over 35. If you’re 18, you’re just an idiot with a baby.

  • You know, if I slouch in my chair at just the right angle, my fat rolls into a pretty impressive 3-pack’. Heck, I’m half way to sexy town

  • Sweatpants and a hoodie: Sexy and I know it, but too lazy to show it.

  • No matter what a woman looks like, if she’s confident, she’s sexy.”

  • When someone looks at your baby pictures and jokingly says “Aww you were so cute! What happened?” Bitch, I got sexy, that’s what happened.

  • Dear un-followers, I feel sorry for you… Your timeline will no longer be sexy. Sincerely, me

  • I’m running low on funny but I have plenty of sexy left.

  • I don’t have a dirty mind. I have a sexy imagination.

  • My girlfriend is adorable, smart, sexy, and looking over my shoulder as I type.

  • This morning when I awoke I rolled over, smiled at the beauty that was there beside me , gazed into those beautiful brown eyes and said, “Good Morning Sexy.” I knew it was a good idea to install that mirror by the bed.

  • Ladies: A good man can make you feel sexy, strong and able to take on the world…oh sorry thats wine…wine does that.

  • Stop calling yourself sexy. The only thing you turn on is a microwave.

  • I have a bumper sticker that says “Honk if you think I’m sexy” I then wait at green lights ’til I feel better about myself.

  • I was called a sexist today … I said, I think you’re mistaken …its pronounced sexy.

  • “You have sexy calves.” -Pedophile bull

  • I Hate Being this Sexy, But Somebody Has To Do it.

  • Friday! There you are, you sexy son of a btich! We’ve been lookin for you since Monday!

  • My wife said to go out and buy something that makes her look hot & sexy for Valentine’s Day! So I got drunk…

  • I was sitting across the bus today from a very sexy Thai girl…and I kept saying to myself “Don’t get an erection , Don’t get an erection”….But she did

  • My wife told me she bought a really sexy dress just for me. I’m planning on wearing it this Friday.

  • Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain 3.) prisoner of war 4.) homeless person 5.) wizard

  • Sexy is when a woman is hot enough to flaunt it but chooses not to.

  • I don’t have a dirty mind… I have a sexy imagination!

  • Dear Deidre. Please help me. My sexy 20 year old neighbour was sunbathing the other day. I took the chance to peek out of our bathroom window and have a cheeky wank. As I finished I turned around and my wife was standing there arms folded watching me.Is my wife a pervert?

  • My sexy Chinese neighbour told me she was desperate for a roger…It was only when I had my trousers round my ankles, that I realised she wanted to rent out her spare room!

  • I was in a pub on Saturday night when this really ugly girl came up to me, squeezed my arse and said, “Give me your number sexy.”I said, “Have you got a pen?”She smiled and said, “Yes.”I said, “Well fuck off back to it, before the farmer notices you’re missing!”

  • My new sexy neighbour just sneezed, so by instinct and good manners I said bless you…She said thanks, but looked a little confused that her wardrobe was talking to her!

  • To all you beautiful sexy ladies, Happy Valentines Day!To all you fat birds, chin up it’s Pancake Day in a few weeks!

  • The wife was trying to be sexy for me tonight. When I came up the stairs, I found her lying naked on the bed, licking a lollipop.Then she slipped it up her fanny…I said, “Careful with that, love. You’ll need it to help the children across the road tomorrow!”

  • Just noticed the wife is wearing her sexy underwear, this can only mean one thing…She’s behind with the washing again!

  • My wife claims that a man in camouflage is really sexy…I just don’t see it!

  • As I knelt down in the shoe shop with a pair of shoes in front of this sexy blonde, I couldn’t resist a quick glance up her short skirt.“Hey cheeky!” she said. “I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls skirts isn’t it?”“That’s ridiculous. I don’t work here!”

  • The wife was trying to be sexy for me last night. When I came up the stairs, I found her lying naked on the bed, licking a lollipop.Then she slipped it up her fanny…I said, “Careful with that, love. You’ll need it to help the children across the road tomorrow!”

  • My wife is wearing one of those skirts where you can just see the edge of her bum poking out…I’d probably find it really sexy if the skirt wasn’t knee length!

  • I recently bought some sexy lingerie from Ann Summers.“Surprise for the wife?” asked the assistant.“Only if she catches me wearing it!” I replied.

  • I was in a club on last night when this really ugly girl came up to me, squeezed my arse and said, “Give me your number sexy.”I said, “Have you got a pen?”She smiled and said, “Yes.”I said, “Well fuck off back to it, before the farmer notices you’re missing!”

  • I said to my hairdresser, “Make me look sexy.”She started drinking!

  • My wife keeps dropping hints about a sexy gift she wants.“It begins with ‘D’, ends in ‘O’, and it fits snugly in there,” she winked as she pointed suggestively at her crotch.I thought, “Where the fuck am I gonna find a didgeridoo?”

  • What do you call a sexy flying monkey.A hot air baboon.

  • After all these years, my wife still thinks I’m sexy.Every time I walk by she says: What an ass!

  • My wife claims that a man in camouflage is really sexy.I just don’t see it.

  • My wife claims that men in camouflage look really sexy.I just can’t see it.

  • My wife put on a sexy cop outfit and arrested me on suspicion of being good in bed.After a quick trial I was released due to lack of evidence.

  • My wife claims that a man in camouflage is really sexy.I just don’t see it.

  • My sexy neighbor told me her underwear keeps going missing from her clothes line and that she’s going to report it to the police.I almost pooped her pants.

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