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Shower Jokes

  • Whenever I’m naked in the bathroom, the shower gets turned on.


  • Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth, then it just becomes a soap opera.

  • My girlfriend doesn’t think I can think fix the electric shower. Well, she’s in for a shock

  • My friend handed out wedding invitations at her baby shower, like the classless knocked up slut she is.

  • Anyone know where I can get a waterproof recliner for my shower??

  • Didn’t have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 15 books and showered.

  • My wife gets annoyed with my long showers. I told her they could be 10-15 minutes shorter if she joined me.

  • I could be the next American Idol!! If they could just let me bring my shower on stage…

  • If you gave me a blowjob while in the shower, I’d probably shampoo and condition your hair while you do it.

  • Don’t you hate that feeling when you close your eyes to apply shampoo, and get paranoid that someone will kill you in the shower.

  • Dear Crush, If your “shower brb” was intended to make me imagine you naked.. Mission accomplished!”

  • I could have sworn I heard a chorus of a thousand tiny voices rising up from the shower drain to wish me a Happy Fathers Day.

  • The worst part of seeing a spider in the shower was the way it covered it’s eyes when it saw me.

  • I dropped my soap in the shower. On purpose. Nothing happened. You guys are full of it.

  • My wife got in the shower with me this morning. She said “Mmm baby I want you to do bad things to me”. So I put shampoo in her eyes.

  • Don’t you hate that feeling when you close your eyes to apply shampoo, and get paranoid that someone will kill you in the shower.

  • I think I’m going to take a hot shower. It’s like a normal shower, but with me in it…

  • Being clean and sober’ means I’ve showered and I’m headed to the liquor store.

  • When I get naked my shower gets turned on.

  • Seriously, it’s almost 2014, can we please get some waterproof phones? I would like to text in the shower.

  • There are two types of people in this world: people who pee in the shower and liars.

  • Let’s face it, it’s not the first time Germany’s sent a bunch of blokes to the showers in tears.

  • I don’t know how some people do it “4 minute shower” It takes me like 4 minutes to even get the water to be the right temperature.

  • Turns out an At Home DNA test is not a good baby shower gift

  • Showers: never want to get in, then never wanting to get out.

  • Does anyone else get bothered by that last inch the shower curtain wont cover?

  • When I’m in the shower, why does every noise sound like my phone?

  • My girlfriend came out of the shower and said “I shaved down there, you know what that means?” I said, “Yeah the f*cking drain is clogged again.”

  • Saw a girl with three lip-ring piercings on the subway this morning. Took everything in my power not to attach a shower curtain.

  • I sing in the shower. I think I sound pretty good. The other people in the gym don’t agree.

  • Ladies, holding out on sex with your man to get what you want will not work. He will just take longer showers.

  • I just violated myself in the shower. I didn’t want to but rules are rules and I did drop the soap after all.

  • You think you’re pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone else’s shower.

  • Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth…. Then it’s a soap opera

  • Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth…. Then it’s a soap opera

  • I’ve been getting anonymous texts from someone telling me to shower, comb my hair and brush my teeth…I think they might be trying to groom me!

  • My wife asked if I had ever pissed in the shower.I said, “Of course. A couple of times but accidentally.”She called me disgusting and asked what I meant by ‘accidentally’.I replied, “Well these things tend to happen when I’m having a shit!”

  • I’ve not had a bath or shower all year!

  • As I arrived at the prison showers I realised I’d forgotten my soap.However, I was amazed at the number of bars of soap left abandoned on the shower room floor for no apparent reason…“Well, I’ll be buggered,” I thought.

  • The girlfriend and I had our first shower together today.She could see I was a little nervous so said, “Relax, just do what you normally do.”So I had a piss!

  • Talking to my mate at work, I said, “Do you shower after sex?”He said, “Of course I do!”I said, “Any chance you have a fucking shag more often?”

  • I’m not saying I’m attractive, but when I take my clothes off in the bathroom, I turn the shower on!

  • My wife came out of the bathroom after her shower, stark naked, and walked into the bedroom. She said, “Shut the curtains babe. I don’t want the neighbours to see me naked.”“Don’t worry,” I said. “If they see you naked, they’ll shut their own fucking curtains!”

  • Talking to my mate at work, I said, “Do you shower after sex?”He said, “Of course I do!”I said, “Any chance you could have a fucking shag more often?”

  • My young son climbed in the shower with me last night, and sure enough, it wasn’t long before the awkward questions started.“Why is your willy so much longer and fatter than mine?”“I don’t know, daddy.”

  • Tried to take a selfie in the shower.It turned out all blurry. I think I have selfie steam issues.

  • If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?Pilgrims

  • Why don’t pirates shower before walking the plank?They just wash up on shore.

  • How do gamers like to shower?With Steam.

  • I’m not saying I’m attractive, but when I take my clothes off in the bathroom.I turn the shower on.

  • I’m not saying I’m attractive.But when I take my clothes off in the bathroom…I turn the shower on.

  • I’m not saying I’m attractive.But when I take my clothes off in the bathroom…I turn the shower on.

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