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Smell Jokes

  • I walked into the library and said, “I’m looking for a brand new book for people who enjoy smelling each other’s farts. Is it in yet?” “Don’t hold your breath,” said the librarian. “That’s the one,’ I replied.


  • THREE LAWS OF SCIENCE: 1. IF IT SMELLS BAD IT’S CHEMISTRY 2. IF ITS MUSHY IT’S BIOLOGY 3.IF IT DOESNT WORK ITS PHYSICS

  • Dear Social Media, thanks for showing me that I can like people. So long as I don’t have to see, touch, or smell them.

  • New Scientist magazine reports that a team of British engineers in Bristol have developed a car that runs on human shit …I bet that “new car smell” doesn’t last very f*cking long.

  • I say “do I smell popcorn” right after I fart, so everyone takes in a deep breath.

  • If you hear someone sing Jingle Bells and you don’t respond with Batman smells then I don’t wanna be friends with you.

  • Hey baby, do you smell that?” “No.” “Me neither, start cooking.

  • Men spend more time smelling their clothes than they do cleaning them.

  • Shout out to all the people in church today, who didn’t speak to anyone, cause their breath still smelled like Jack Daniels.

  • If your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, smelling of honey and covered in bee stings, she’s a keeper.

  • Two parrots are standing on a perch. One says to the other “Can you smell fish?”

  • What did one eye say to the other? Something smells between us.

  • My friend got mad at me for smelling his sister’s underwear.I don’t know if it was because she was still wearing them…Or because the rest of the family was there…Either way, it made the rest of the funeral really awkward!

  • Two prostitutes are standing on a corner. One says, “Tonight is gonna be a good night. I can smell the dick in the air.” The other says, “Sorry, I just burped!”

  • What’s blue and smells like red paint?Blue paint!

  • My missus says I’ve got a cock like a donkey…Turns out she meant the smell!

  • My wife and I walked past a swanky new restaurant last night.“Did you smell that food?” she said. “It was absolutely incredible, and it is our anniversary tomorrow” she added.“Fuck it,” I thought. I’ll treat her…So I walked her past it again!

  • After a 69 with my gf, I had a dentist appt. Didn’t want the dentist to know so brushed my teeth 5 times. I sat in the dentist chair & dentist asked, “Did you have 69 before you came here?” Shocked I said, “Why can smell it on my breath?” “No, but your forehead smells of arse!”

  • Two parrots sitting on a perch. One says to the other, “Can you smell fish?”

  • I just opened my fridge and it really smells of basil…I think it’s faulty!

  • My mate said he can smell a paedophile a mile away…I said, “That’s nonce sense!”

  • I came out of the toilet, did up my zip and said, “I’d give it ten minutes.”My wife said, “Urgh, have you done a smelly shit?”I said, “No, your sister’s putting her knickers back on!”

  • An Irish priest is driving on a country road when the police pull him over. He can smell alcohol on the priest’s breath.He says, “Have you been drinking?”“Just water,” says the priest.The cop replies, “Why do I smell wine?”The priest says, “Good Lord he’s done it again!”

  • Two prostitutes are standing on a corner. One says, “Tonight is gonna be a good night. I can smell the dick in the air.”The other says, “Sorry, I just burped!”

  • My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.He smelled funny the whole day.

  • What tastes better than it smells?A tongue!

  • What’s red and smells like blue paint?Red paint.

  • What did the left eye say to the right eye ?Between you and me, something smells.

  • What did the right eye say to the left eye?Between you and me, something smells.

  • Teslas do not have New Car smell…They have an Elon Musk.

  • What’s blue and smells like red paint?Blue paint.

  • When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, covered in bee stings and smelling like honey.You know she’s a keeper.

  • An Irish priest is driving along a country road when the police pull him over. They smell alcohol on the priest’s breath.Have you been drinking?Just water, says the priest.The cop replies: Then why do I smell wine?The priest says: Good Lord He’s done it again!

  • An Irish priest is driving along a country road when the police pull him over. He smells alcohol on the priest’s breath. He says: Have you been drinking? Just water, says the priest. The cop replies: Then why do I smell wine? The priest says: Good Lord He’s done it again!

  • When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, covered in bee stings and smelling like honey.You know she’s a keeper.

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