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Stair Jokes

  • My wife said she would come back home to me if I promised to give up my obsession with wanking on the staircase. I said, “Okay, but can we take it one step at a time?”


  • I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.

  • My Dad just had a stairlift installed in the house. Its driving him up the wall.

  • The woman next door was flashing me from her upstairs bedroom . How she got her car in there I’ll never know.

  • A girl is having sex with her boyfriend at her parent’s house. Her father, after being awakened by the noises, goes upstairs to check it out, and walks in on them. “Dad!” she exclaimed in a panic “… I’m sorry” The dad being a dad replies “Hello, Sorry! I’m Dad!” He then turns to the … Read more…

  • May be time to get in shape. Halfway up this flight of stairs and I’m considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning.

  • We were making out on the couch and She’s like “Let’s take this upstairs” I’m like “Ok you grab one side and I’ll grab the other!”

  • I wonder what kids today are going to tell their kids. Yeah. it was rough back then. I didn’t get a smartphone til 4th grade and sometimes the wifi didn’t work upstairs.’

  • I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a One Direction song.

  • An Old woman is having breakfast with elderly husband when she says LET’S GO UPSTAIRS AND HAVE SEX” he replies “PICK ONE,I CAN’T DO BOTH”

  • Turning off the downstairs lights and running upstairs so no one kills you

  • Always watch your step on an escalator. I once tripped and fell down the stairs for an hour and a half

  • It’s been reported that Beyonce gets paid $100,000 just to sit in the front row at a fashion show. Meanwhile, her sister, Solange, is getting paid that amount by Jay-Z to take the stairs.

  • My exercise program consists of having a lot of stairs in my home and forgetting things.

  • I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.

  • I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.

  • The missus asked me what would stop the stairs squeaking…Apparently suggesting she should go to Weight Watchers was the wrong answer!

  • I was so drunk last night…I got to the bottom of the stairs, took off my shoes and before I got to the top I’d taken off all my clothes…I really freaked out the people on the top deck of the bus!

  • My wife phoned me & said, “Where are you? It’s pissing down & I forgot my key.”“I’m in bed, sorry.”She screamed, “Are you joking? I want you to get out of bed, walk down the stairs & open the door, NOW!”“What would be the point in that? Your sister lives 20 minutes away!”

  • I silently farted in bed last night and slowly lifted up the quilt. After a few seconds my wife shouted, “Bloody hell you dirty bastard, that stinks!”It must have been pretty bad. She was downstairs at the time!

  • I’ve offered my elderly neighbour £10 to have a go on her stairlift…I think she’s going to take me up on it!

  • After kissing my girlfriend on the sofa she said, “Lets take this upstairs.”“Ok,” I said. “You grab one end and I’ll grab the other!”

  • I knocked on my neighbours door and said, “Your daughter owes me a new van. I’ve just crashed mine into a tree because of her.”“You must be mistaken,” she replied. “Our daughter is upstairs changing out of her nurses uniform.”I said, “I know, she left the curtains open!”

  • I was sat next to my girlfriend last night bored to tears so I decided to go upstairs for a crafty wank…She followed me up after a couple of minutes, caught me and started a blazing argument. What a complete overreaction.Stupid bitch got us thrown off the bus!

  • I took a girl home. We got kissing on the sofa & before long, I slipped my hand into her knickers. She asked, “Shall we take this upstairs?”I said, “No, I’d rather we did it here.”“Oh I see,” she winked. “Something in your bedroom you don’t want me to see?”“Yeah, my wife!”

  • The wife was trying to be sexy for me tonight. When I came up the stairs, I found her lying naked on the bed, licking a lollipop.Then she slipped it up her fanny…I said, “Careful with that, love. You’ll need it to help the children across the road tomorrow!”

  • I silently farted in bed last night and slowly lifted up the quilt. After a few seconds my wife shouted, “Bloody hell you dirty bastard, that stinks!”It must of been pretty bad. She was downstairs at the time!

  • The wife was trying to be sexy for me last night. When I came up the stairs, I found her lying naked on the bed, licking a lollipop.Then she slipped it up her fanny…I said, “Careful with that, love. You’ll need it to help the children across the road tomorrow!”

  • It’s my old Mum’s birthday tomorrow and we are having some family around. I know that as we raise our glasses to her, she’ll be looking down on us and smiling…We really must get that stairlift fixed!

  • Burglars broke into the downstairs bathroom earlier today but fortunately they only stole a broken set of scales…They won’t get a weigh with it!

  • I’ve just offered my next door neighbour £20 to try out her new stair lift…I really think she is going to take me up on it!

  • I’ve just written a book about falling down a staircase…It’s a step by step guide!

  • I’ve just written a book about falling down the stairs…It’s a step by step guide!

  • It has been years since my wife wanted sex but tonight she’s been all, “Why don’t we go upstairs?” “I’ve got something for you up there,” and, “I’m going to make you sweat tonight.”I’ve got a horrible suspicion she has had a self assembly Ikea wardrobe delivered!

  • I rang Babestation last night. The girl on screen said, “Hi how can I help?” I said, “Fucking hide! I’ve lost the remote and my bird is coming down the stairs!”

  • I silently farted in bed last night and slowly lifted up the quilt. After a few seconds my wife shouted, “Bloody hell you dirty git, that stinks!”It must of been pretty bad. She was downstairs at the time!

  • My wife yelled from upstairs and asked, Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?I replied No…She responded: How about now?

  • I have written a book on how to fall down the stairsIt’s a step by step guide.

  • After kissing my girlfriend on the sofa she said let’s take this upstairs.Ok I said You grab one end and I’ll grab the other.

  • I wrote a book on how to fall down the stairs.It’s a step by step guide.

  • Why should we never trust stairs?Because they are always up to something.

  • I’ve offered my elderly neighbour $20 to try out her stair lift.I think she’s going to take me up on it.

  • I wrote a book on how to fall down the stairs.It’s a step by step guide.

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