Surgery Jokes

  • When I was growing up plastic surgery was a bit of a taboo subject, these days if you mention botox no one raises an eyebrow.

  • Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today.

  • Life sucks, I lent a guy ten grand to get plastic surgery, and now I don’t know what he looks like.

  • “Why do people get plastic surgery? Why can’t you just admit that it’s over? Stop trying to look fuckable in your 50’s.” @MaleHonesty86

  • Exercise, the poor man’s plastic surgery.

  • When it comes to cosmetic surgery, a lot of people turn their noses up.

  • Me and the missus are having laser eye surgery tomorrow. I’m not sure we’ll enjoy it…But we’ll see!

  • Cancelling my surgery would mean losing out on the hospital’s fish dinner…It was a missed op or tuna tea!

  • Welcome to the Plastic Surgery Addicts group…I see a lot of new faces here today!

  • As the doctor went through my notes, he said, “The surgery has risks. You will almost certainly regain the sight in your eyes but there is a chance it will affect your ability to maintain an erection.”I said, “How come?” He said, “Well, your wife is very ugly!”

  • Doctor: “Relax David. It’s just a small surgery. Don’t panic.”Me: “But my name isn’t David?”Doctor: “I know. I’m David!”

  • BREAKING NEWSA boy born without eyelids has successfully had surgery, taking away part of his foreskin to use as eyelids…The surgeon said, “The surgery went really well, although he will be left cock eyed!”

  • Had a call from the doctors today. Apparently my blood test showed I have monkeypox…They asked me to swing by the surgery!

  • Me: “How did my surgery go?”Surgeon: “I’m afraid this will be difficult for you to hear.” Me: “Sorry?” Surgeon: “I accidentally cut your ears off!”

  • I phoned the doctors surgery earlier and the doctor answered.I said, “Hello Doctor. Is the receptionist there? I need some medical advice!”

  • A bloke in hospital is recovering from laser eye surgery.The surgeon comes in and asks if he wants the good news or the bad news first.The bloke excitedly asks for the good news.The surgeon says, “Well, you are about to get a new fucking dog!”

  • I lost my job shaving patients for spinal surgery…It was due to cutbacks!

  • As I laid on the hospital trolley awaiting my surgery, I asked the doctor, “How long will I be in hospital?”He said, “If all goes well, about a week. If not, about 45 minutes!”

  • Doctor: “Relax, David. It’s just a small surgery, don’t panic.”Me: “But my name isn’t David?”Doctor: “I know. I’m David!”

  • Doctor: Relax, David. It’s just a small surgery, don’t panic.Me: But my name isn’t David.Doctor: I know. I’m David.

  • Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous.I see a few new faces here this week and I must say I am very disappointed.

  • A man rushed into a Doctor’s surgery, shouting help me please, I’m shrinking The Doctor calmly said now settle down a’ll just have to learn to be a little patient.

  • I remember a time when plastic surgery was a taboo subject, but these days when you mention one even raises an eyebrow.

  • Before my surgery, the anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle…It was an ether/oar situation.

  • Doctor: Relax, David. It’s just a small surgery, don’t panic.Me: But my name isn’t David.Doctor: I know. I’m David.

  • Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I’d like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was……an ether/oar situation…

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