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Swallow Jokes

  • This bloke in the pub last night was boasting that when he orgasms, he ejaculates up to a pint of semen at a time.I found that a bit hard to swallow


  • Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m OK, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

  • If you once screwed me over a long time ago and today your life is a living nightmare and nothing seems to go your way; please swallow your pride and come apologize to me so I can tell Karma to stop fcuking with you.

  • The FDA has approved a new camera that can be swallowed so that doctors can look at the inside of their patients’ bodies. So to answer your question: Yes, selfies CAN get worse.

  • Whenever you see a sword swallower perform, it makes you wonder what sort of activities they used to do to make them realize they had this talent.

  • The first time a woman swallowed my stuff, I was so appreciative that I swallowed her bullshi t for the next two years.

  • swallow…

  • Hey, ladies, if you look like a snake swallowed a rib cage you’re too skinny.

  • Swallow it dammit, it’s good for you Your Pride

  • Why do fat people say they have to start eating right? They’ve obviously mastered the art of chewing and swallowing.

  • Some people seriously believe they are making a difference in the world by using hashtags. HAHA!! #SocialNetworkActivist #KillYourself #YouWereAdopted #YourMotherShouldHaveSwallowedYou #YourDadShouldHaveWoreARubberAndThenFlushedYou, @MaleHonesty86

  • If she is married or has a boyfriend make sure she swallows the evidence.

  • If I swallow magnets will it make me attractive?

  • A young girl swallowed a pin when she was eleven and never felt a prick until she turned eighteen.

  • If Scientists invent a pill to make us immortal, I guarantee I’d choke to death swallowing it.

  • My new party trick.. I swallow two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my ass tied together….. I shit you knot.”

  • My new party trick.. I swallow two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my ass tied together. I sh!t you knot.

  • Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m OK, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

  • I accidentally swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles. My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

  • I swallowed some Tippex last night.I woke up this morning with a massive correction.

  • A man went to A&E at the weekend who swallowed 12 plastic horses. Don’t worry the doctors describe his condition as stable.

  • I once accidentally swallowed an abacus. I bet I looked so stupid, but it’s what’s inside that counts!

  • I’m looking for a woman that loves to suck but not swallow…I need her to help me steal petrol!

  • Just been told my son has swallowed his phone and it got stuck in his throat…I’m gonna ring his neck!

  • A girl goes to confession & says, “I’m pregnant.”“How did this happen my child?” asks the priest.“I think it must be the second coming.”The priest, shocked by the reply, asks, “What makes you think it’s the second coming?”She replies, “Because I swallowed the first one!”

  • I’ve accidentally swallowed some scrabble squares…Going for a poo could spell trouble!

  • I swallowed some duck feathers yesterday and now I’m feeling down in the dumps!

  • My mate has swallowed some Lego. The doctor’s aren’t too worried, but he’s shitting bricks!

  • A man was admitted to hospital after swallowing 6 plastic horses.His condition has been described as stable.

  • I was forced to swallow purple food color.I feel violated.

  • I accidentally swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles…My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

  • I accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles…My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster!

  • I swallowed a book about synonyms today.It gave me thesaurus throat I’ve ever had.

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