Teacher Jokes

A teacher asked a girl to use the word”handsome”in a sentence. Girl :- “When I suck my boyfriend’s dick my jaws get really tired so I use my hand some times”.

I hated my job as an origami teacher. Too much paperwork.

Apparently, when the Queen was at school, her strongest subject was the Gym teacher.

Ninety two percent of cross-eyed teachers have difficulty controlling their pupils.

Why was the guitar teacher arrested? For fingering a minor.

A little girl cuts her hand on the playground and runs crying to the teacher. She asks the teacher for a glass of cider. “Why do you want a glass of cider?” the teacher asks. “To take away the pain,” sobs the little girl. “What do you mean?” the teacher asks. “Well,” sobs the little … Read more…

I’d just like to thank my English teacher for defining the word Many’ for me. It means a lot.

My physics teacher asked me if I understood the chapter on linear motion. I said, “yeah it’s pretty straightforward.”

Teacher : What’s your favourite letter ? Student: The letter G. Teacher : Why is that Angus ?

Student: “Wow, I really got into trouble at school today. My teacher had a hissy fit because I couldn’t spell Armageddon.’ ” … …. I said to the teacher, “Hey cool your jets. It`s not the end of the world !!!”

When everyone was giving apples to their teachers, I was the one giving cucumbers… Still to this day, Mr. Smith won’t look me in the eyes.

Teacher: 24 + x + 30 = 90. Find x. Student: It’s between 24 and 30.

Teacher asks: What is the difference between a prostitute, a girlfriend and a wife.Student replies: Prepaid, post paid and unlimited plan.

Teacher -What does COINCIDENCE’ mean? Student Funny, I was just going to ask you that.

Teacher Johnny: Use the word HARASSMENT in a Sentence… Johnny: I was in Love with a girl and.. Her-ass-meant a lot to me

Because of texting, today’s generation has no idea of the horror felt when get caught passing a note in class and having the teacher make you read it out loud!

My math teacher accused me of cheating, I can’t help that my English teacher is hotter.

My son came home from school and told my wife he has a part in the play. She asks, “What part is it? He says, “I play the part of the husband.” My wife says, “Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part.”

Where the hell were these teachers that bang their students when I was in high school?!

I was dating an English teacher, but she dumped me…. She didn’t approve of my improper use of the colon.

Teacher: Why are you late!? Me: There was a man who lost a $100 bill..Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it? Me: No, I was standing on it until he fucked off.

Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Mary, 3 to Claire and 2 to Elizabeth then what will you get? Me: 3 new girlfriends.

Teacher: Why did Robin Hood only rob the rich? Me: Because the poor didn’t have any fucking money.

Me: My father’s name is LAUGHING and my Mother’s name is SMILING. Teacher: You must be Kidding? Me: No, that’s my brother. I’m JOKING.

Teacher: You’re here to learn. Me: No bitch, I’m here because my mum wouldn’t let me stay home.

Experience is a cruel teacher. It gives a test before presenting the lesson.

A girl posted on FB: “Sum 1 Cum 2 ma house nd sav me frm boredom” A guy replied: “sending an English teacher immediately”

A teacher asked her 1st grade student “Tell us what your dad does.” She replied “Whatever my mom tells him.”

I’d like to thank my English teacher for defining the word ‘many’ for me. It means a lot.

What’s the worst thing about ancient history class? The teachers tend to Babylon.

My favourite teacher at school was Mrs Turtle…She tortoise a lot!

“Right class,” said the teacher. “Who can make a sentence with the word ‘contagious’?”Little Johnny threw up his hand excitedly.“Yes, Johnny?”“My dad saw our neighbour painting his fence with a little brush, and said it’ll take the contageous!”

Teacher: “Kids, what does the chicken give you?” Student: “Meat!” Teacher: “Very good! Now what does the pig give you?” Student: “Bacon!” Teacher: “Great! And what does the fat cow give you?” Student: “Homework!”

Where do math teachers go on holiday?Times Square!

I was at a sex education class and the female teacher said, “Anyone who wants to know how deep a woman’s vagina is, please put your hand up.”“And that your honour is why I plead not guilty to the molestation charge against me!”

A teacher asks her class what their favourite letter is.A student puts up his hand and says, “G”.The teacher says, “Why is that, Angus?”

How do you console an English teacher?There, their, they’re

What do you call an IT teacher who touches his students?A PDF file!

Teacher: “If you had £1.34 and you asked your father for £2.50, how much would you have?”Pupil: “£1.34 sir.”Teacher: “I can see you don’t know your mental arithmetic.”Pupil: “No sir, you don’t know my father!”

A biology teacher grew human vocal cords from stem cells in the lab…The results speak for themselves!

Why did the cross eyed teacher get fired?He couldn’t control his pupils.

My favourite teacher back in school was Mrs Turtle.Funny name, but she tortoise well.

Where do math teachers go on vacation?Times Square.

My favourite teacher back in school was Mrs Turtle.Funny name, but she tortoise well.

My maths teacher called me average.How mean!

How do you console an English teacher?There, their, they’re

What’s the hardest thing about being a cross-eyed teacher?Controlling your pupils.

A teacher walks into a bar and says Can I have a beer.The barman says I don’t know, CAN YOU?

My teacher always said not to worry about correct spelling, because we have autocorrect.And for that I am infernally grapefruit.

My favourite teacher back in school was Mrs Turtle.Funny name, but she tortoise well.

I saw my math teacher walking down the corridor holding some graph paper.I thought, he’s plotting something.

If a math teacher has 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other, what does he have?A drinking problem