Topics

Teacher Jokes

  • Teacher: “Simon, can you say your name backwards?” Simon: “No Mis”


  • A teacher asked a girl to use the word”handsome”in a sentence. Girl :- “When I suck my boyfriend’s dick my jaws get really tired so I use my hand some times”.

  • I hated my job as an origami teacher. Too much paperwork.

  • Apparently, when the Queen was at school, her strongest subject was the Gym teacher.

  • Ninety two percent of cross-eyed teachers have difficulty controlling their pupils.

  • Why was the guitar teacher arrested? For fingering a minor.

  • A little girl cuts her hand on the playground and runs crying to the teacher. She asks the teacher for a glass of cider. “Why do you want a glass of cider?” the teacher asks. “To take away the pain,” sobs the little girl. “What do you mean?” the teacher asks. “Well,” sobs the little … Read more…

  • I’d just like to thank my English teacher for defining the word Many’ for me. It means a lot.

  • My physics teacher asked me if I understood the chapter on linear motion. I said, “yeah it’s pretty straightforward.”

  • Teacher : What’s your favourite letter ? Student: The letter G. Teacher : Why is that Angus ?

  • Student: “Wow, I really got into trouble at school today. My teacher had a hissy fit because I couldn’t spell Armageddon.’ ” … …. I said to the teacher, “Hey cool your jets. It`s not the end of the world !!!”

  • When everyone was giving apples to their teachers, I was the one giving cucumbers… Still to this day, Mr. Smith won’t look me in the eyes.

  • Teacher: 24 + x + 30 = 90. Find x. Student: It’s between 24 and 30.

  • Teacher asks: What is the difference between a prostitute, a girlfriend and a wife.Student replies: Prepaid, post paid and unlimited plan.

  • Teacher -What does COINCIDENCE’ mean? Student Funny, I was just going to ask you that.

  • Teacher Johnny: Use the word HARASSMENT in a Sentence… Johnny: I was in Love with a girl and.. Her-ass-meant a lot to me

  • Because of texting, today’s generation has no idea of the horror felt when get caught passing a note in class and having the teacher make you read it out loud!

  • My math teacher accused me of cheating, I can’t help that my English teacher is hotter.

  • My son came home from school and told my wife he has a part in the play. She asks, “What part is it? He says, “I play the part of the husband.” My wife says, “Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part.”

  • Where the hell were these teachers that bang their students when I was in high school?!

  • I was dating an English teacher, but she dumped me…. She didn’t approve of my improper use of the colon.

  • Teacher: Why are you late!? Me: There was a man who lost a $100 bill..Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it? Me: No, I was standing on it until he fucked off.

  • Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Mary, 3 to Claire and 2 to Elizabeth then what will you get? Me: 3 new girlfriends.

  • Teacher: Why did Robin Hood only rob the rich? Me: Because the poor didn’t have any fucking money.

  • Me: My father’s name is LAUGHING and my Mother’s name is SMILING. Teacher: You must be Kidding? Me: No, that’s my brother. I’m JOKING.

  • Teacher: You’re here to learn. Me: No bitch, I’m here because my mum wouldn’t let me stay home.

  • Experience is a cruel teacher. It gives a test before presenting the lesson.

  • A girl posted on FB: “Sum 1 Cum 2 ma house nd sav me frm boredom” A guy replied: “sending an English teacher immediately”

  • A teacher asked her 1st grade student “Tell us what your dad does.” She replied “Whatever my mom tells him.”

  • I’d like to thank my English teacher for defining the word ‘many’ for me. It means a lot.

  • What’s the worst thing about ancient history class? The teachers tend to Babylon.

  • My favourite teacher at school was Mrs Turtle…She tortoise a lot!

  • “Right class,” said the teacher. “Who can make a sentence with the word ‘contagious’?”Little Johnny threw up his hand excitedly.“Yes, Johnny?”“My dad saw our neighbour painting his fence with a little brush, and said it’ll take the contageous!”

  • Teacher: “Kids, what does the chicken give you?” Student: “Meat!” Teacher: “Very good! Now what does the pig give you?” Student: “Bacon!” Teacher: “Great! And what does the fat cow give you?” Student: “Homework!”

  • Where do math teachers go on holiday?Times Square!

  • I was at a sex education class and the female teacher said, “Anyone who wants to know how deep a woman’s vagina is, please put your hand up.”“And that your honour is why I plead not guilty to the molestation charge against me!”

  • A teacher asks her class what their favourite letter is.A student puts up his hand and says, “G”.The teacher says, “Why is that, Angus?”

  • How do you console an English teacher?There, their, they’re

  • What do you call an IT teacher who touches his students?A PDF file!

  • Teacher: “If you had £1.34 and you asked your father for £2.50, how much would you have?”Pupil: “£1.34 sir.”Teacher: “I can see you don’t know your mental arithmetic.”Pupil: “No sir, you don’t know my father!”

  • A biology teacher grew human vocal cords from stem cells in the lab…The results speak for themselves!

  • Why did the cross eyed teacher get fired?He couldn’t control his pupils.

  • My favourite teacher back in school was Mrs Turtle.Funny name, but she tortoise well.

  • Where do math teachers go on vacation?Times Square.

  • My favourite teacher back in school was Mrs Turtle.Funny name, but she tortoise well.

  • My maths teacher called me average.How mean!

  • How do you console an English teacher?There, their, they’re

  • What’s the hardest thing about being a cross-eyed teacher?Controlling your pupils.

  • A teacher walks into a bar and says Can I have a beer.The barman says I don’t know, CAN YOU?

  • My teacher always said not to worry about correct spelling, because we have autocorrect.And for that I am infernally grapefruit.

  • My favourite teacher back in school was Mrs Turtle.Funny name, but she tortoise well.

  • I saw my math teacher walking down the corridor holding some graph paper.I thought, he’s plotting something.

  • If a math teacher has 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other, what does he have?A drinking problem

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *