Teeth Jokes

I have sensitive teeth….. And I’m afraid I’ll say something to hurt their fillings.

So if I get the job at Walmart,,, do I pull my own teeth out,, or does it happen during orientation ?

I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can’t have any more food and I’m never ready for that kind of commitment.

This guy in line at store had breath so bad his teeth turned sideways just to let it out.

Do you brush your teeth without making a mess like in the commercials? Because I usually look like I have minty fresh rabies….

When we catch the people who kill elephants & rhinos, can we pull all their teeth first?

Lying through your teeth doesn’t count as flossing

Teeth are always in style!

Everyday, I brush my teeth & say “That’s it. You can’t squeeze anymore toothpaste out of this tube.” Then everyday, I do.

Women! Boob jobs, nose jobs, teeth bleaching, tummy tucks, liposuction, colonic irrigation, botox, pierced ears, nipples, bellys and c**ts, eyebrows plucked, bikini wax, lips tattooed, legs waxed and they won’t take it up the a$$ cause it hurts’.

The World Cup has an official song. The official anthem is “We Will Find a Way.” It narrowly beat out the other contender, “I Feel Someone’s Teeth in My Shoulder.”

Do you brush your teeth without making a mess like in the commercials because I usually look like I have minty fresh rabies.

*Looking in the mirror* Fix hair. Check teeth. Fix hair. Check butt. Fix hair. Side check. Suck in. Side check. Fix hair. *Sighs* walks…

Free Tip: If a prostitute has nice teeth and carries a purse, she’s a cop.

Police raided a daycare down the road, breaking up a teething ring.

Looking at my wife, no teeth in, tits on her belly, hair a mess, smoking a roll up, cocked her leg & let out a massive fart.“You’re a fucking mess!”She said, “I’m still the woman you love & married. Sometimes we do let ourselves go a bit.”“We’re on our fucking honeymoon!”

A man is out walking his dog when the Man Utd score comes in, 5-0 to Liverpool. The dog bares his teeth, growls & goes into a frenzied rage.A passer by see this & asks, “Jesus what does the dog do if Man Utd win?”“I don’t know,” says the man. “I’ve only had it since August!”

My dentist said my teeth were stained.He asked, “Do you smoke or drink coffee?”I replied, “I drink it!”

I’ve been getting anonymous texts from someone telling me to shower, comb my hair and brush my teeth…I think they might be trying to groom me!

Why should you never brush your teeth with your left hand?Because a toothbrush works better!

Our local dentist is doing half price teeth cleaning tomorrow…It’s Plaque Friday!

After a 69 with my gf, I had a dentist appt. Didn’t want the dentist to know so brushed my teeth 5 times. I sat in the dentist chair & dentist asked, “Did you have 69 before you came here?” Shocked I said, “Why can smell it on my breath?” “No, but your forehead smells of arse!”

I’m not saying the wife is thick, but I bought her a vibrator for her birthday and she chipped all her teeth on it!

A sweet old lady on a bus offers the driver some peanuts. He eats a few and asks her why she isn’t having any herself. “Oh they’re too hard on my poor teeth, I couldn’t.” “Why did you buy them all then?” wonders the driver. “You see, I just love the chocolate they’re covered in!”

I met this girl at the weekend and took her home to meet my dad. He whispered to me, “Where the fuck did you get her from son? She’s cross-eyed, bow-legged, and she’s got no teeth!”I replied, “There’s no need to whisper Dad. She’s deaf as well!”

I am looking for someone to brush their teeth with me…I just found out that 9 out of 10 dentists say brushing alone won’t reduce cavities!

My daughter has gone for a job interview at the local dentists. It’s for taking moulds of peoples teeth…I hope she makes a good impression!

Why should you never brush your teeth with your left hand?Because a toothbrush works better.

My dentist said my teeth were stained. He asked, Do you smoke or drink coffee? I replied,I drink it!

I found a coin on the street the other day, and it had teeth marks all over it.It was a Bitcoin.

My teeth were stained, so the dentist asked me, do you smoke or drink coffee?I told him I drink it.

Which kind of bears have no teeth?Gummy bears.

I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.

Our baby tried to use a calculator as a teether earlier.Me: He probably shouldn’t chew on that.Wife: It’s fine. He’s just crunching some numbers.