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Teeth Jokes

  • I hate having to brush my teeth every morning. I must be the only person in the world with hairy teeth.


  • I have sensitive teeth….. And I’m afraid I’ll say something to hurt their fillings.

  • So if I get the job at Walmart,,, do I pull my own teeth out,, or does it happen during orientation ?

  • I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can’t have any more food and I’m never ready for that kind of commitment.

  • This guy in line at store had breath so bad his teeth turned sideways just to let it out.

  • Do you brush your teeth without making a mess like in the commercials? Because I usually look like I have minty fresh rabies….

  • When we catch the people who kill elephants & rhinos, can we pull all their teeth first?

  • Lying through your teeth doesn’t count as flossing

  • Teeth are always in style!

  • Everyday, I brush my teeth & say “That’s it. You can’t squeeze anymore toothpaste out of this tube.” Then everyday, I do.

  • Women! Boob jobs, nose jobs, teeth bleaching, tummy tucks, liposuction, colonic irrigation, botox, pierced ears, nipples, bellys and c**ts, eyebrows plucked, bikini wax, lips tattooed, legs waxed and they won’t take it up the a$$ cause it hurts’.

  • The World Cup has an official song. The official anthem is “We Will Find a Way.” It narrowly beat out the other contender, “I Feel Someone’s Teeth in My Shoulder.”

  • Do you brush your teeth without making a mess like in the commercials because I usually look like I have minty fresh rabies.

  • *Looking in the mirror* Fix hair. Check teeth. Fix hair. Check butt. Fix hair. Side check. Suck in. Side check. Fix hair. *Sighs* walks…

  • Free Tip: If a prostitute has nice teeth and carries a purse, she’s a cop.

  • Police raided a daycare down the road, breaking up a teething ring.

  • Looking at my wife, no teeth in, tits on her belly, hair a mess, smoking a roll up, cocked her leg & let out a massive fart.“You’re a fucking mess!”She said, “I’m still the woman you love & married. Sometimes we do let ourselves go a bit.”“We’re on our fucking honeymoon!”

  • A man is out walking his dog when the Man Utd score comes in, 5-0 to Liverpool. The dog bares his teeth, growls & goes into a frenzied rage.A passer by see this & asks, “Jesus what does the dog do if Man Utd win?”“I don’t know,” says the man. “I’ve only had it since August!”

  • My dentist said my teeth were stained.He asked, “Do you smoke or drink coffee?”I replied, “I drink it!”

  • I’ve been getting anonymous texts from someone telling me to shower, comb my hair and brush my teeth…I think they might be trying to groom me!

  • Why should you never brush your teeth with your left hand?Because a toothbrush works better!

  • Our local dentist is doing half price teeth cleaning tomorrow…It’s Plaque Friday!

  • After a 69 with my gf, I had a dentist appt. Didn’t want the dentist to know so brushed my teeth 5 times. I sat in the dentist chair & dentist asked, “Did you have 69 before you came here?” Shocked I said, “Why can smell it on my breath?” “No, but your forehead smells of arse!”

  • I’m not saying the wife is thick, but I bought her a vibrator for her birthday and she chipped all her teeth on it!

  • A sweet old lady on a bus offers the driver some peanuts. He eats a few and asks her why she isn’t having any herself. “Oh they’re too hard on my poor teeth, I couldn’t.” “Why did you buy them all then?” wonders the driver. “You see, I just love the chocolate they’re covered in!”

  • I met this girl at the weekend and took her home to meet my dad. He whispered to me, “Where the fuck did you get her from son? She’s cross-eyed, bow-legged, and she’s got no teeth!”I replied, “There’s no need to whisper Dad. She’s deaf as well!”

  • I am looking for someone to brush their teeth with me…I just found out that 9 out of 10 dentists say brushing alone won’t reduce cavities!

  • My daughter has gone for a job interview at the local dentists. It’s for taking moulds of peoples teeth…I hope she makes a good impression!

  • Why should you never brush your teeth with your left hand?Because a toothbrush works better.

  • My dentist said my teeth were stained. He asked, Do you smoke or drink coffee? I replied,I drink it!

  • I found a coin on the street the other day, and it had teeth marks all over it.It was a Bitcoin.

  • My teeth were stained, so the dentist asked me, do you smoke or drink coffee?I told him I drink it.

  • Which kind of bears have no teeth?Gummy bears.

  • I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.

  • Our baby tried to use a calculator as a teether earlier.Me: He probably shouldn’t chew on that.Wife: It’s fine. He’s just crunching some numbers.

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