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Tennis Jokes

  • I had to fire my tennis doubles partner today. I told him his services were no longer required.


  • Just returned from my Friends Funeral. He died from being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.

  • My friend asked me to come up with Eleven jokes about The Australian Open. I think Tennis enough.

  • TIP OF THE DAY: If you can’t afford porn, just turn on tennis and shut your eyes.

  • My wife is a big Tennis fan and was telling me how distracting she finds the constant grunting noises during the women’s matches. I have promised her I will stop.

  • Men at 25 play football. Men at 40 play tennis. Men at 60 play golf. Have you noticed that as you get older your balls get smaller?

  • Bought one of those tennis racket looking bug zappers today. My god, where have you been all my life. What fun! Oooh, here comes the dog….

  • Love means never winning at tennis.

  • Why should you never fall in love with a tennis player? To them, “Love” means nothing.

  • BREAKING: The Tennis world is rocked by allegations of backhanders!

  • The man who invented the automatic tennis serving machine is celebrating his birthday…Many happy returns!

  • I’ve made a website for depressed tennis players…Servers are currently down!

  • I’ve bought shares in a company that manufactures tennis rackets…I’m hoping for a good return!

  • I’ve just been reading about all of the corruption in tennis…I’m shocked at the amount of backhanders!

  • You’ve got to hand it to the Aussies…When it comes to tennis, they really know how to return a serb!

  • BREAKING: The English Cricket Board announce they have appointed tennis world number one Novak Djokovic as a temporary batting coach.“We acknowledge he doesn’t have a background in our sport, but we couldn’t overlook the fact it took two weeks for Australia to get him out!”

  • Just got back from my mates funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball…It was a lovely service!

  • I took my overnight bag to my tennis match by mistake, and had to play in my dressing gown and slippers…Still, I won comfortably!

  • The man who invented unisex tennis matches has died…RIP Mick Stubbles!

  • Went to the pub dressed as a tennis ball…I got served straight away!

  • I told the female doctor that my tennis elbow was hurting. She said, “How many years have you had it for?”I said, “15 love!”

  • The man who invented the tennis ball serving machine had his birthday today…Many happy returns!

  • My wife asked, “Do you know any tennis puns?”I said “No, they’re not really my forte love!”

  • My wife said to me, “There’s 14 reasons why I’m leaving you, and don’t even get me started on your tennis obsession!”I said, “Well that’s 15, love!”#Wimbledon2022

  • I went to the bar at Wimbledon dressed as a tennis ball…I got served straight away!#Wimbledon2022

  • We were all pretty sad at Grandad’s funeral when we were told he was killed by a tennis ball…Still, it was a lovely service!#Wimbledon2022

  • What time does Andy Murray go to bed?Tennish!#Wimbledon2022

  • The bloke who invented the automatic tennis serving machine is celebrating his birthday…Many happy returns!

  • My friend asked me to come up with eleven jokes about Wimbledon…I think Tennis enough!

  • There’s a new game called Silent Tennis.It’s like regular Tennis, but without the racquet.

  • Never marry a tennis player.Love means nothing to them.

  • Why do librarians hate tennis?Too much racket.

  • Why is the divorce rate so high with tennis players?To them, Love means nothing.

  • Never date a girl that plays tennisThey may be athletic, but love means nothing to them.

  • Why should you never date a tennis player?Love means nothing to them.

  • My wife said, I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with Tennis.I replied, That’s 15 love.

  • To keep fit, I’ve taken up quiet tennis.It’s like regular tennis, but without the racquet.

  • I had a game of quiet tennis today.It’s just like regular tennis but without the racket.

  • My wife said she’s leaving me because of my obsession with tennis – and I’m too old.I said: I’m only 40 love.

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