Tennis Jokes

Just returned from my Friends Funeral. He died from being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.

My friend asked me to come up with Eleven jokes about The Australian Open. I think Tennis enough.

TIP OF THE DAY: If you can’t afford porn, just turn on tennis and shut your eyes.

My wife is a big Tennis fan and was telling me how distracting she finds the constant grunting noises during the women’s matches. I have promised her I will stop.

Men at 25 play football. Men at 40 play tennis. Men at 60 play golf. Have you noticed that as you get older your balls get smaller?

Bought one of those tennis racket looking bug zappers today. My god, where have you been all my life. What fun! Oooh, here comes the dog….

Love means never winning at tennis.

Why should you never fall in love with a tennis player? To them, “Love” means nothing.

BREAKING: The Tennis world is rocked by allegations of backhanders!

The man who invented the automatic tennis serving machine is celebrating his birthday…Many happy returns!

I’ve made a website for depressed tennis players…Servers are currently down!

I’ve bought shares in a company that manufactures tennis rackets…I’m hoping for a good return!

I’ve just been reading about all of the corruption in tennis…I’m shocked at the amount of backhanders!

You’ve got to hand it to the Aussies…When it comes to tennis, they really know how to return a serb!

BREAKING: The English Cricket Board announce they have appointed tennis world number one Novak Djokovic as a temporary batting coach.“We acknowledge he doesn’t have a background in our sport, but we couldn’t overlook the fact it took two weeks for Australia to get him out!”

Just got back from my mates funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball…It was a lovely service!

I took my overnight bag to my tennis match by mistake, and had to play in my dressing gown and slippers…Still, I won comfortably!

The man who invented unisex tennis matches has died…RIP Mick Stubbles!

Went to the pub dressed as a tennis ball…I got served straight away!

I told the female doctor that my tennis elbow was hurting. She said, “How many years have you had it for?”I said, “15 love!”

The man who invented the tennis ball serving machine had his birthday today…Many happy returns!

My wife asked, “Do you know any tennis puns?”I said “No, they’re not really my forte love!”

My wife said to me, “There’s 14 reasons why I’m leaving you, and don’t even get me started on your tennis obsession!”I said, “Well that’s 15, love!”#Wimbledon2022

I went to the bar at Wimbledon dressed as a tennis ball…I got served straight away!#Wimbledon2022

We were all pretty sad at Grandad’s funeral when we were told he was killed by a tennis ball…Still, it was a lovely service!#Wimbledon2022

What time does Andy Murray go to bed?Tennish!#Wimbledon2022

The bloke who invented the automatic tennis serving machine is celebrating his birthday…Many happy returns!

My friend asked me to come up with eleven jokes about Wimbledon…I think Tennis enough!

There’s a new game called Silent Tennis.It’s like regular Tennis, but without the racquet.

Never marry a tennis player.Love means nothing to them.

Why do librarians hate tennis?Too much racket.

Why is the divorce rate so high with tennis players?To them, Love means nothing.

Never date a girl that plays tennisThey may be athletic, but love means nothing to them.

Why should you never date a tennis player?Love means nothing to them.

My wife said, I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with Tennis.I replied, That’s 15 love.

To keep fit, I’ve taken up quiet tennis.It’s like regular tennis, but without the racquet.

I had a game of quiet tennis today.It’s just like regular tennis but without the racket.

My wife said she’s leaving me because of my obsession with tennis – and I’m too old.I said: I’m only 40 love.