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Uncle Jokes

  • My uncle works for a company that makes bicycle wheels.

    He’s the Spokesman.


  • My uncle works for a company that makes bicycle wheels.He’s the Spokesman.

  • My uncle works with Digital radios. You could say he’s a DAB hand.

  • My uncle told the story about the 20 year old conker again last night…I thought, ‘Not that old chestnut!’

  • What is the opposite of a croissant?A Happy Uncle!

  • My Uncle John was a shit ventriloquist…He used to put his fingers up my arse and ask me not to say anything!

  • What is worse than ants in your pants?Uncles!

  • What happens when you rearrange two of the letters in the word ‘nuclear’?It’s unclear!

  • My father was a conjoined twin.His brother was my uncle on my fathers side once removed.

  • My uncle was in a band called The Hinges.They supported The Doors.

  • What is the opposite of Antarctica?Uncle Arctica.

  • I had an uncle who was an alcoholic. To keep him from drinking, we got him in sculpting school. Sadly, it didn’t help.He’d still come home plastered.

  • My uncle has 2 Dobermans called Rolex and Timex.They are watch dogs.

  • Can’t find a precise definition for the word ambiguous.It’s unclear, inexact, and open to more than one interpretation.

  • My uncle has two dobermans named rolex and timexWatch dogs.

  • What is the opposite of a croissant.A Happy Uncle.

  • My dad was born a conjoined twin, but separated at birthSo I have an uncle, once removed.

  • My uncle was crushed by a piano….His funeral was very low key.

  • My wife and I took a 1000 mile road trip to see our family. My uncle asked us if we took turns driving on the way up.I replied, Yeah. It was too hard to get here in a straight line.

  • I opened my birthday card and loads of rice fell out..I knew right away who sent it, it was my uncle Ben.

  • What happens when you rearrange two of the letters in the word nuclear?It’s unclear.

  • What is the opposite of a croissant.A Happy Uncle

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