Political Jokes,  Top Jokes

The funniest jokes about Americans

We all think we’ve heard the funniest jokes about Americans, but let’s be honest, they are the gift that keeps on giving. America gets funnier and funnier by the day and never fail to be the subject of some of the best jokes.

If you walk into the bathroom an American and walk out an American, what are you in the bathroom?

European.

Did you hear about the Native American who went to a party and drank 37 cups of tea?

They found him dead the next morning in his tea pee.

If Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight…

There would be mass confusion.

In Britain they call it a “lift” but Americans call it an “elevator”

I guess we’re just raised differently.

The reason why many Americans don’t eat healthy…

…is because eating healthy would cause you to lose weight.

And America never loses.

Why don’t Americans eat snails?

Because they like fast food.

Why don’t Americans call inordinately powerful and corrupt people oligarchs?

Habits are hard to break, and they’ve always called them congresspeople.

How do you make Americans take vaccines?

Tell them immigrants are coming to America to take all their vaccines.

What’s the difference between America and Canada?

The Americans have really nice neighbours.

Which branch of the American military is the most patriotic?

The Air Force; they’re US AF.

What’s the difference between Americans and yogurt?

If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it’ll grow a culture.

Why don’t Americans use the metric system?

Because they have a foot fetish.

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What do you call a bee that lives in America?

A USB.

Why did the President ban the sale of shredded cheese?

Because he wants to make America grate again.

What is a lion’s favourite American state to live in?

Maine.

Americans have a terrible sense of humour.

I mean, our healthcare is a joke and most of us don’t even get it.

Why are there no Xbox or PCs in Pennsylvania?

Because it’s always Sony in Philadelphia.

What’s the difference between a cab driver in America and a cab driver in Tokyo?

The cab driver in Tokyo speaks English.

Why did God create wars?

To teach Americans geography.

That’s all for our funniest jokes about Americans, but if you’ve got more to contribute, drop them in the comments below!

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